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7 Secrets for an Amazing First Date
Okay, so nailing a date isn’t exactly quantum physics…but sometimes it seems like it might as well be, considering the time and effort scientists (and most single people for that matter) spend pondering the topic. In the latest study, Stanford University researchers analyzed nearly 1000 four-minute speed-dating pair-ups to figure out what factors determined whether couples felt a spark—or had a “meh” attitude toward each other. They recorded the conversations, asked participants to fill out a questionnaire about what they thought of each date, and then poured through mounds of data. What they discovered will fascinate you.
Here’s what researchers noted about women based on the speed dates:
You’re usually pickier than he is
One finding you’ll love: The power is (mostly) in your hands. “Women are much more selective than men when it comes to dating,” says study author Dan McFarland, PhD, a sociologist at Stanford. Ladies indicated a willingness to go on a second date with much less frequency than guys did. So you can relax knowing it’s more about you deciding whether you want to see him again than the other way around.
You might want to act a little self-centered
On that note, couples hit it off when women talked about themselves and men supported this by talking about the women. So don’t stress about whether you’re hijacking the convo too much. “Conversations went better if women used words like I and me a lot and men said you more often,” says McFarland.
When you mix up your tone, he thinks you’re into him
Speaking quickly and varying your pitch correlated with romantic interest. “It signals excitement,” says McFarland. A slow, monotone voice was associated with a sense of distance and awkwardness. Something to keep in mind, depending on the vibe you want to give off.
Questions are the kiss of death
This one is pretty baffling: You’d think asking a guy about himself would show you’re interested and enthusiastic, right? Well, it turns out the more questions couples posed during a date, the less connected they felt. According to McFarland, a factual Q&A about where you’re from or what your hobbies are made people feel detached, like they were trying to fill the gaps and forcing it, instead of letting the chat flow naturally.
Choose your words carefully
Fluffy fillers—sorta, kinda, probably, I guess—are turn-offs because they indicate a lack of passion. On the other hand, sprinkling in y’know and I mean when telling a story (linguists call these phrases “self-markers,” because they bring attention to yourself) draws your date into what you’re saying and helps you both get more in tune.
And a few notes from researchers that you might want to keep in mind about him:
It’s a good sign if he interrupts
Surprisingly, women were more into guys who jumped in mid-story—not to bring the conversation back to themselves, but to complete her sentence or agree with her. “It makes you feel like you have chemistry because you’re jointly telling the story together, you’re both engaged, ” says McFarland. It’s his way of trying to build a rapport, and it proves he’s genuinely listening to and interested in you.
You’ll click more with an empathetic guy
When you’re telling him about yourself, pay attention to his reactions. The research showed that men who chimed in with supportive statements about something positive in a woman’s life (“That’s really cool,” “That’s awesome!” “Amazing!”), and sympathy about a tough situation (“Oh no,” “That’s weird,” “That sucks”) scored more love from the ladies. And rightfully so—empathy is one of the ways he shows he’d be up for another date.
photo: iStockphoto/Thinkstock
More From Women’s Health:
6 Dating Rules to Break
How to Create an Awesome Online Dating Profile
Dating a New Person: How Fast Should Things Go?
Does the Pill Decide Who You Date?
Pop quiz time: Look at the pictures below and pick the man you find the most attractive in each row. We know, it’s hard, but focus on physical attraction alone—not how much you loved them in that movie or how funny they may be:
Zac Efron
photo: andersphoto/Shutterstock
LeBron James
photo: s_bukley/Shutterstock
Jude Law
photo: cinemafestival / Shutterstock
Gerard Butler
photo: Jaguar PS / Shutterstock
Jesse Williams
photo: Helga Esteb / Shutterstock
Javier Bardem
photo: Featureflash / Shutterstock
Did you pick more men from the left column than you did from the right column? If you’re currently on hormonal birth control, your preferences may have been skewed by your pill. Women are more likely to prefer men with less masculine features when they’re taking oral contraceptives, according to a new study published in Psychoneuroendocrinology. If you stop to think about it, that’s pretty big—it means you may choose to pair off with a different guy than you normally would if you’re taking the Pill!
In the first of two experiments, researchers looked at whether or not facial preferences changed after women started taking birth control. An experimental group of 18 women and a control group of 37 women were asked to manipulate images of male and female faces to be the most physically attractive, and then they were asked to complete the same test three months later. At the beginning of the study, none of the women were on birth control. But after the experimental group started taking the Pill, their preferences changed dramatically. Women tended to prefer less masculine men after being on hormonal birth control for a few months, says Robert Burriss, PhD, one of the authors of the study and a research fellow at the University of Northumbria in Newcastle, UK. “We also tested a control group of women who didn’t start taking the Pill, and their preferences remained the same, so we can be pretty sure it’s the Pill that’s causing this change,” says Burriss.
Okay, so the Pill has an impact on which guys you’re more likely to ogle. But does it actually impact your choice in boyfriends? In the second experiment, researchers looked at 85 couples who met while the woman was on birth control and 85 couples who met while the woman wasn’t on the Pill. The guys’ photos were given to a group of participants to judge for relative masculinity (they were looking at factors like a defined jaw, a larger lower face width, and eyebrow prominence). Then the researchers made a composite face for each group of men and gave that to participants to judge. The results showed that the partners of women who were not taking birth control were significantly more masculine than the partners of women who were taking birth control. So if you were on the Pill when you met your boyfriend or husband, there’s a chance that your attraction to him was skewed by your birth control. Weird, right?
“For over a decade now we’ve known that women tend to prefer more masculine men during the fertile phase of their menstrual cycles, around ovulation,” says Burriss. You can blame these shifts on your swaying hormone levels, particularly estrogen and progesterone. “But taking the Pill knocks out this natural hormone variation and eliminates the fertile phase,” says Burriss. “Not only does this stop a woman from being able to conceive, it also stops her from thinking like we would expect a fertile woman to think.” And while they only looked at oral contraceptives, their research suggests that this might apply to other forms of hormonal birth control, too—like the ring or the patch.
It may be a little weird to think about, but don’t toss your pill pack just because you’re worried about it altering your preference in guys. Like most side effects of the Pill, these little changes are likely worth all the other health benefits you get. Check out more ways that birth control may affect your body:
How Birth Control Interferes With Your Body
5 Surprising Effects of the Pill
The Best Birth Control For Your Body
The Positives to Being on the Pill
Will I Gain Weight On the Pill?
thumbnail photo: iStockPhoto/Thinkstock
More from Women’s Health:
Love at First Sight? Or Just Lust?
Drugs That May Interfere With Your Birth Control
Birth Control Fact or Fiction
15 Things NOT to Wear on a First Date
Rachel Bilson, former Women’s Health cover star, doesn’t always dress to impress guys. “All men hate harem pants, but I don’t give a s—t,” she says, according to UsMagazine.com. “They are so comfortable. You get a little room, you know?”
It just goes to show: Men and women often aren’t on the same page when it comes to fashion. Just as women tend to cringe when dudes make style faux pas (see the 10 Things Guys Should NEVER Wear), a lot of guys hate when women don clothes and accessories that they just don’t understand. When it comes to style, there’s girl-hot (clothes that women think are sexy and stylish), and guy-hot (clothes that guys think are smokin’)—and, more often than not, the two categories just don’t overlap.
With that in mind, we turned to Men’s Health Facebook users to see what lady fashion trends they just can’t stand. Here, 15 things that are decidedly girl-hot, not guy-hot.
Tell us: Would you adopt Bilson’s attitude and wear any of these items on a first date? Or would you save them for a night out with the girls?
More from WH:
Hollywood’s Hottest Guys
How to Understand Men
Chic Work Outfits
What’s the 15-Minute Fat Loss Secret? Find out here!