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5 Ways Pregnancy Changes Your Body

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It’s a given that your body goes through some major changes while you’re pregnant—but your belly and your thighs aren’t the only things that that transform when you’ve got a bun in the oven. Pregnancy permanently changes the size of a woman’s foot, according to a new study published in the American Journal of Physical Medicine & Rehabilitation.

Researchers measured the foot length and arch height of 49 women during their first trimester and again five months after giving birth. In 60 to 70 percent of participants, they found a reduction in the height of the arch, a reduction in the rigidity of the tissue responsible for holding the arch up, and a 2 to 10 millimeter increase in foot length.

Surprisingly, the change isn’t tied to pregnancy weight gain. “We found that the changes in the feet were independent of how much weight people gained during pregnancy, as well as independent of whether they lost the weight after pregnancy,” says Neil Segal, MD, lead study author and associate professor of orthopedics and rehabilitation at the University of Iowa. So what may cause the permanent change in a woman’s feet? Though he didn’t measure them specifically for this study, Segal says that two hormones—estrogen and relaxin—may be to blame. “We think that the main purpose of these hormones is to relax the ligaments in the joints and pelvis in order to allow delivery,” he says. “However, the hormones go to the whole body, so they also cause loosening at the knee joints and have been reported to cause loosening in the wrists. In this study, they may be what accounted for the changes in the feet.”

That’s not the only way that pregnancy affects your body, though. Laura Corio, MD, an OB-GYN at Mount Sinai Medical Center in New York City, shares some of the other surprises in store for moms-to-be:

Your Skin
Don’t freak out if you start breaking out shortly after conceiving. Corio says it’s pretty common to have acne early on, particularly during the first trimester. Many women can also get skin tags due to hormonal spikes. Some of these can linger after you give birth, but a dermatologist can easily remove them. Perhaps the most frustrating skin-related change is discoloration, which can happen all over the body and may take up to a year to fade. Also, some women might develop a dark, brownish line (known as linea nigra) that goes down their stomach vertically. In time, this fades on its own.

Your Veins
Women might be more prone to getting varicose veins during pregnancy—and they may actually get more with each pregnancy. The weight of the baby exerts pressure on the veins, making it harder for blood to return to the heart. The (not pretty) result: swollen-looking veins.

Your Hands
Along with your feet, your hands might get larger, Corio says. During pregnancy, your hands swell (to the point where you might have to have your rings resized) as you retain more water. Sometimes, they don’t return to the pre-pregnancy size.

Your Hair
While your hair might look shiny and healthy during pregnancy, you may start losing some of your locks as soon as you give birth. This happens because your hormones are incredibly high during pregnancy, and as soon as you deliver, they drop, causing you to shed. This can last up to six months post-partum, but your hair will eventually return to how its pre-pregnancy state, Corio says.

photo: Creatas Images/Thinkstock

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10 Ways to Build Trust In Your Relationship

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Sooner or later, the man in your life is bound to mess up. (He’s only human!) But if you trust your partner, you’re more likely to forgive and forget his mistakes than if you don’t trust him, according a new study recently published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

Researchers from Northwestern University and Redeemer University College used a questionnaire to assess trust levels in 69 undergraduates’ relationships. Then, the students filled out surveys about their partners’ recent mishaps every two weeks for the next six months. They also rated the severity of the issue, how well their partner tried to make amends, and their own degree of forgiveness. At the end of the six-month period, participants in the most trusting relationships remembered their partners’ past transgressions as less serious and were ultimately more forgiving.

While the study didn’t examine exactly what caused these results, lead study author Laura Luchies, Ph.D., assistant professor of psychology at Redeemer University College, says that trust appears to distort people’s memory of the past. One explanation: when you trust your partner to act in your best interest, you’re more likely to let his mistakes slide because you see them as one-time events. But when you don’t trust him, you might play and replay the situation in your head, or assume it’s part of a pattern of bad behavior—making it a lot more difficult to forget (or forgive).

The thing is, trust plays a more integral role in relationships than in simply keeping the peace. “Trust helps people think less about the risks of getting close to someone, depend on them, and see them in a positive light,” says Luchies. The result: a more secure, fulfilling relationship for both of you.

To boost your bond at any stage in the game, follow these trust-amplifying tips:

Let him plan date night
Trust is learned and earned—you’ll grant it, over time, to those who act supportive, dependable, and trustworthy, says Luchies. To give your partner opportunities to strut his stuff, ask him to make decisions that affect you. Start small: let him choose a restaurant. When he picks a place that suits your palate—not the burger joint he frequents with his friends–you’ll feel more comfortable relying on him for bigger decisions.

Show him your flaws
Not everyone can tally a dinner tab tip in her head, or wake up in the morning with her hair as well-coiffed as it was the night before. But when you let him see your true colors, you give him the opportunity to accept the real you—even it reflects your insecurities. Once you realize that he won’t berate you for your math skills, or reject you for your bed head, you’ll feel more comfortable revealing bigger things–like life goals and family issues–and trust that he’ll be totally supportive.

Confide in him
If you leave your office fuming, don’t keep it all in when you meet him for after-work drinks. “By and large, you get what you give,” says Joel Block, Ph.D., a certified couples therapist and author of over 20 books on love and sex, including Broken Promises, Mended Hearts: Maintaining Trust In Love Relationships. “If you’re open and self-revealing, your partner is more likely to be more open with you.”

Don’t judge
Every time your partner tells you something personal—like the major mistake he made at work–it’s a critical moment that can either strengthen your intimacy or deteriorate it, says Block. If you criticize his behavior or dismiss his feelings, he’ll think twice about confiding in you next time. To make him feel accepted and promote more self-disclosure, express empathy and suggest solutions. And if he judges you? Say this: “I need to feel safe confiding in you and right now I feel attacked.”

Keep your promises
“Trust goes both ways,” says Luchies. Meaning? If you’re not dependable, you can’t expect your partner to be. To show him you’re trustworthy, be accountable: If he asks you to watch his intramural basketball game, show up before the first buzzer to secure a bleacher seat where he can see you from the court. And if you say you’ll call him before bed, actually pick up the phone before you tuck in.

Be yourself in front of others
If you tell him you got a measly raise, and tell his parents about your absolutely A-M-A-Z-I-N-G promotion, he’ll wonder what else you’re capable of hiding. Present yourself accurately no matter what crowd you’re in, and you’ll show him you’re a person that’s worthy of his trust.

Tell him the truth
“Even small lies are like psychological termites,” says Block. “They take unnoticeable bites over time and eventually weaken the foundation of your relationship.” So if your new statement bag cost more than what your guy earns in a month, be honest when he asks what you paid.

Arrive on time
If you say you’ll be over at 7, but miss your train, call him to say you’ll be closer to 8:10. Being on time isn’t just considerate: it’s part of being able to count on someone, says Block. And if he knows he can count on you, then he’ll make more of an effort to show that he’s equally dependable.

Take his side…or at least be diplomatic
Sometimes it’s more important to be supportive than it is to be right. When you’re brought into an argument between him and his buddy, stand up for your guy. And when he’s wrong? Say, “You both have good points, and I can see where you’re both coming from.” Then, discuss it later in private.

Avoid unnecessary secrecy
Especially if your partner has been betrayed before–or worse: you’ve cheated on him–it’s important to be as open as possible. So tell him who you’re texting. And leave your phone unlocked. “Don’t think of it as supervision. It’s making a choice to help the other person heal,” says Block.

photo: Tom Wang/Shutterstock

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4 Ways to Be More Optimistic

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The grass really is greener in some places: The residents of Hoboken, NJ, are the most optimistic people in the country, according to a new survey from the dating site Chemistry.com. Here’s the full list of the top 10, compiled from a poll of more than 10 million singles nationwide:

1. Hoboken, NJ
2. Redondo Beach, CA
3. Santa Fe, NM
4. Naperville, IL
5. Boca Raton, FL
6. Newport Beach, CA
7. Mountain View, CA
8. Waukesha, WI
9. Scottsdale, AZ
10. Irvine, CA

This is great news for anyone who lives in those zip codes: “People who tend to have a bright outlook on the future have far-reaching mental and physical benefits,” says positive psychology researcher Fred B. Bryant, PhD, professor of psychology at Loyola University Chicago. Research for Yale University has found that an optimistic perspective tacks an average of 7.6 years onto our lives—that’s more bonus time than low blood pressure, low cholesterol, a healthy weight, or regular exercise will score you. Optimists also have a lower risk of heart attack and greater resistance to the common cold, Bryant says. Not to mention they lead happier lives with healthier relationships.

Now here’s the good news for everyone else: you can train yourself to make lemonade out of lemons. “If you work at it, you can change the way you think,” Bryant says.

Here, four ways to boost your optimism—and along with it, your health:

Explain Things Differently
You will go through a torturous breakup or a grad school rejection. Bad things are a part of life—but here’s a trick to make sure they don’t totally sap your positivity: Write down what happened, along with how you interpret both the cause of the event and its impact on your life. Then, make a conscious effort to explain the situation differently, focusing on non-personal, changeable causes and outcomes. For instance, if you were fired, don’t tell yourself that you’re talentless and will go broke. Instead, tell yourself that this particular job wasn’t the perfect fit for you—and that this is an opportunity to find a better one. This mindset will bring you more success, Bryant says.

Call Yourself Out When You’re Negative
When you start getting down on yourself, snapping out of it is easier said than done. Giving yourself a physical reminder every time you’re a Debby downer can be a helpful tool for changing your attitude, Bryant says. Try this: Wear a hair band around your wrist, and every time you start thinking self-destructive, pessimistic thoughts, pull it to literally give yourself a slap on the wrist. That way you’ll remember to ease up on yourself before you’ve sunken into too deep of a funk.

Eat Your Antioxidants
Optimists eat more carotenoids—the antioxidants that produce bright pigments in fruits and veggies—than people with a pessimistic outlook, according to a new study in Psychosomatic Medicine. Researchers say that healthy eating may allow them to more effectively deal with stress and manage challenges. Pack your plate with colorful produce.

Focus on What’s in Your Control
“Some people are so afraid of failing that they protect themselves by adopting a negative view that bad things will happen, whatever they do,” Bryant says. Instead of dwelling on all of the horrible things that might potentially happen to you, focus on what’s in your control and how you can direct your outcomes, Bryant says. Establish small, achievable goals that can help you get where you ultimately want to be, and practice focusing on those—instead of what could possibly go wrong.

photo: Africa Studio/Shutterstock

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5 Ways to Make the Honeymoon Phase Last

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If that can’t-keep-your-hands-off-each-other passion has been long missing from your relationship, don’t freak out just yet. Most couples make a shift from romance to routine by their second anniversary, says sex and relationships counselor Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First and founder of Good in Bed. It’s part of deepening intimacy and a more stable commitment between the two of you.

But that doesn’t mean your relationship can’t benefit from some extra spark. Here, five expert-approved ways to relive your honeymoon phase year after year:

Mix Up Date Night
“The infatuation phase of relationships involves the spiking of a potent neurochemical cocktail, so it’s really as though couples are under the influence,” says Kerner. Luckily you can mix a similar dopamine and norepinephrine cocktail by simply doing new things with your man, according to research from the State University of New York at Stony Brook. What’s more, when your body is physiologically aroused (think: slippery palms and a racing heart) you associate that feeling with whatever’s in your environment… like each other. In one Stony Brook study, couples that participated in “exciting” activities reported greater marriage satisfaction than those who engaged in “pleasant” activities together. On your next date night, try taking a rock-climbing class or going after each other in a heated game of laser tag. Get the blood pumping, and you’ll feel the rush.
RELATED: 5 Valentine’s Day Dates Your Guy Will Love

See Things a New Way
The next time you and your guy have a fight, try to envision it from an outside, neutral perspective. Practicing this third-party assessment trick can help make you feel like you’re back in the honeymoon phase, according to a new study from Northwestern University. In the study, researchers asked 60 couples with declining relationship satisfaction to write about their disagreements for seven minutes, three times a year—from a neutral perspective. When the year was up, their decline in relationship satisfaction, passion, and sexual desire was completely halted. Try it yourself: The next time you and your guy go at it, take some time after to write out a perfectly neutral assessment of how it all went down. You don’t necessarily need to share your notes with him, but the act of putting yourself in an outside perspective can help you take a more balanced approach to the situation, rather than focusing exclusively on your feelings and how hurt or angry you are.
RELATED: 4 Strategies to Stop Relationship Arguments

Schedule Sex
The more often you have sex, the better. Period. Regular sex makes both of you produce more libido-revving testosterone so you’ll start going at it like rabbits even without a schedule. And couples that have regular sex are 65 percent more likely to be happy in their relationship, according to research published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy. So as not to bruise your guy’s manhood, say “I really miss having sex with you.” Schedule sexy-time once a week, so even if you miss a bout you won’t go a whole month sans loving.
RELATED: Boring Sex, Begone!

Keep the Mystery Alive
If familiarity doesn’t breed contempt, it definitely breeds indifference. Studies have shown that attraction relies on constant and lasting discovery of your partner. And the strongest individuals build the strongest bonds, Kerner says. So avoid texting each other real-time updates on every aspect of your life and give each other space. Try scheduling some guys and girls nights out, or even separate vacations with friends, he suggests.
RELATED: 6 Ways to Strengthen Your Friendships

Get Physical
Olivia Newton-John was right. Exercise makes you want to have sex. Exercise boosts your sex drive, mood, and clears your mind of clutter than can get in the way of any woman’s O, Kerner says. And if you’ve been considering welcoming a little blue pill into your bed, consider a gym date instead: In one study of 31,000 men, researchers from the Harvard School of Public Health found that those who exercised vigorously for 20 to 30 minutes a day were 30 percent less likely to report erectile dysfunction than were couch potatoes.
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photo: Elena Rudakova/Shutterstock

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17 Creative Ways to Move More Every Day

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You want to go to the gym. You plan to go to the gym. You don’t go to the gym. But it’s OK: Short bouts of activity can be just as beneficial to your health as a full-blown sweat session, according to a new Oregon State University study.

The researchers assessed 6,000 Americans’ physical activity and health risk factors. To their surprise, people who were active throughout the day–even for just one or two minutes here and there–were nearly as healthy as the people who crammed a full day’s worth of exercise into a single session. In fact, 43 percent of the people who didn’t purposefully exercise met the physical activity guidelines of 30 minutes of daily exercise, anyway.

The bottom line: Moving more takes very little effort but adds up throughout the day. And while short bouts of activity won’t necessarily help you lose weight or keep it off, everyone can benefit from a little more movement—especially when you can’t squeeze in a proper workout. That said, there are plenty of super-simple ways to be more active without screwing up your whole schedule. Just check out these suggestions from Women’s Health Twitter followers! Then pin the ideas you promise you’ll try.

Women’s Health asked…

Followers answered:

photo: ULTRA F/ Digital Vision/Thinkstock

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26 Creative Ways to Move More Every Day

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You want to go to the gym. You plan to go to the gym. You don’t go to the gym. But it’s OK: Short bouts of activity can be just as beneficial to your health as a full-blown sweat session, according to a new Oregon State University study.

The researchers assessed 6,000 Americans’ physical activity and health risk factors. To their surprise, people who were active throughout the day–even for just one or two minutes here and there–were nearly as healthy as the people who crammed a full day’s worth of exercise into a single session. In fact, 43 percent of the people who didn’t purposefully exercise met the physical activity guidelines of 30 minutes of daily exercise, anyway.

The bottom line: Moving more takes very little effort but adds up throughout the day. And while short bouts of activity won’t necessarily help you lose weight or keep it off, everyone can benefit from a little more movement—especially when you can’t squeeze in a proper workout. That said, there are plenty of super-simple ways to be more active without screwing up your whole schedule. Just check out these suggestions from Women’s Health Twitter followers! Then pin the ideas you promise you’ll try.

Women’s Health asked…

Followers answered:

photo: ULTRA F/ Digital Vision/Thinkstock

More from WH:
Motivate Yourself to Work Out!
21 Ways to Bust Out of Your Workout Rut
Workout Playlists to Pump You Up

The New Rules of Lifting for WomenTransform your body forever with The New Rules of Lifting for Women, a breakthrough fitness and diet plan for women. Order now!

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8 Ways to Protect Your Ticker

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Before you blow off heart disease as something health-savvy younger women don’t have to worry about, read the stats. It’s the number one killer of men and women over age 20, and one in three women have already racked up damage without having a clue. To spotlight the facts, the American Heart Association has made February Go Red for Women month, and they want you to know the easy moves that’ll help keep your ticker in top shape.

Learn your family history
Like so many other conditions, your genes influence your heart disease risk. If a first-degree female relative (your mom or your sister) was diagnosed with heart disease before age 65, or a first-degree male relative received a diagnosis before age 55, your odds of having a heart attack one day increase threefold. Luckily, making lifestyle changes now can dramatically lower your likelihood of following in their footsteps, says Nieca Goldberg, MD, cardiologist and Director of the Joan H. Tisch Center for Women’s Health at NYU Langone Medical Center.
RELATED: Outsmart Your DNA Destiny

Stop smoking—for good
As if you need another reason to ditch the habit, women who smoke more than double their risk of sudden cardiac death, according to a December 2012 American Heart Association study, because nicotine can alter heart functioning and cigarette smoke scars heart tissue. We’re not just talking about pack-a-day puffers here. Any amount of smoking boosts your risk, the study explains, even an occasional cigarette at a party. The upside: As soon as you go cold turkey, your heart will start rebounding, Goldberg says.
RELATED: How to Quit Smoking Without Gaining Weight

Get a cholesterol test
It’s simple screening that can clue you in to your future heart disease risk, says Goldberg. Get tested in your 20s so you have a baseline, and if it’s in a healthy range, you won’t need to be retested for another five years. If the numbers aren’t optimal, your doc can help bring them in line by recommending diet changes or prescribing medication.
RELATED: 6 Low-Cholesterol Recipes

Move around
Your heart is a muscle, and like all muscles, working it out keeps it healthy by strengthening tissue and improving circulation. Aim for about 30 minutes a day of light to moderate cardio. That doesn’t mean hightailing it to Crossfit every night: you can reap the benefits with activities such as dancing, cleaning your house, or even walking your dog, says Goldberg.
RELATED: How Sitting Too Much Can Kill You

Reel in stress
When you’re anxious, your body pumps out higher amounts of the hormone cortisol, and consistently high cortisol levels cranks your cardiovascular disease risk, says Dr. Goldberg. Also, a small 2012 study from Penn State University found that when women were stressed, their hearts pumped less blood than stressed-out men, putting more of a strain on the female heart. We know it’s easier said than done, but try to carve out time every day to unwind, even if it’s just chilling with your iPod or popping in a yoga DVD.
RELATED: 31 Ways to Relax and Stress Less

Fill your plate with healthy food
Unprocessed, plant-based foods have a positive effect on your heart, so load up on plenty of salad, whole grains, and cereals. Keep sugar and salt to a minimum; simple sugars (the kind found in processed foods and snacks) have been linked to higher levels of triglycerides, says Goldberg, which contributes to heart disease. Excess salt also poses a threat; too much can boost blood pressure, which stresses the heart. Of course, just as important as what you eat is how much you consume. Controlling portion sizes keeps you from packing on pounds, and obesity is a cardiovascular disease risk factor.
RELATED: The Truth About Serving Sizes

Score regular restful sleep
“Sleeping less than an average of seven hours a night has been shown to cause high blood pressure,” says Goldberg. Poor sleep is also linked to the accumulation of abdominal fat—and muffin top is another heart attack offender.
RELATED: Natural Ways to Get Better Sleep

Strengthen your social network
Whether it’s in real time or on Facebook, people who maintain positive relationships with friends and family have lower heart disease odds, Goldberg says. One reason has to do with the fact that a strong social network makes it easier to handle life’s challenges. But also, people who are socially isolated tend skip workouts and eat poorly, she adds.
RELATED: 6 Ways to Strengthen Your Friendships

photo: ankudi/Shutterstock.com

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Tips to Make Your Heart Healthier
5 Steps to a Healthy Heart
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6 Crazy Ways Music Improves Your Life

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’Tis the season of endless holiday music. (Go count how many times you hear “Jingle Bell Rock” on your morning commute.) But don’t shut off those festive tunes—belt ‘em out. Singing could be good for your health, according to a new study from Norway.

Researchers found that hospital employees who took part in a choir program reported both improved health and greater engagement at work. Why? Social bonds formed during cultural activities (like singing) have a positive effect on your perceived well being and general health, says study author Jonas Vaag, a clinical psychologist at Nord-Trøndelag Health Trust in Norway. Singing also triggers the release of endorphins, which boost your feelings of happiness and pleasure, finds a recent UK study.

Here are five more cool ways music can improve your life.

1. Rap Makes You More Creative
Make like Eminem in 8 Mile and start a freestyle rap battle. Spontaneous lyrical improvisation engages your brain’s prefrontal cortex region, which is responsible for creative thought, finds a new National Institutes of Health study. With those parts of your brain fired up, you’re more likely to experience new insights or bursts of creativity, the study suggests. Why does it work? Letting yourself “spitball”—or throw up ideas without pausing to make judgments—can fuel your creative mind.

2. Classical Music Helps You Focus
Rock out with your Bach out. Brain scans conducted by Stanford University researchers show classical music— especially complex, continually changing symphonies like those from Baroque composers like Bach and Handel—actually helps your mind focus and sort out information. Cognitive stumble—when your mind expects to hear something, but is surprised by an unanticipated chord or harmony—helps engage and sharpen brain regions responsible for attention and anticipation, the study authors say.

3. Fast Tunes Boost Your Speed
Music helped cyclists bike faster for longer periods and reduced game-day jitters among basketball players, according to two recent studies from Brunel University in the U.K. How? Music appears to rev up your central nervous system for activity while simultaneously helping to distract your mind from discomfort or difficulty, the research suggests. Expert tip: The research showed fast-paced, energetic music was best for physical activity, and inspirational music that builds to a climax is best for game-time prep. (Click here to find the perfect tracks to pump you up.)

4. Your Favorite Song Really Does Make It All Better
Listening to music that moves you triggers the release of dopamine, a neurotransmitter in your brain that also heightens the pleasure you get from sensual experiences like food and sex, finds a study from McGill University. The key to the dopamine release is that the music must give you chills, the study authors explain. So whether it’s the theme to Shawshank Redemption or fun.’s rousing “We Are Young”, throw on your favorite inspirational tune to heighten the mood with your boyfriend—or the taste of a good ol’ cheeseburger. (Need to spice up your sexy playlist? Click here for the 10 best get-it-on songs.)

5. Certain Chords Can Heal You
The dentist office is on to something. Patients who listened to mellow music before, during, and after surgery reported reduced pain and anxiety and required less sedative medication, according to a University of Kentucky study. Here’s why: Music masks harsh sounds and irritating background noise while also engaging the listener emotionally. The result? Distraction from your pain, says study author Lori Gooding, Ph.D., director of music therapy at Kentucky. Chill out with artists like Enya, Jim Brickman, or Burt and Joe Wolff—they’re proven pain reducers, says Gooding. Need some more ideas? Check out music sites newworldmusic.com and serenitymusic.com.

photo: Wavebreak Media/Thinkstock

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5 Ways to Deal with the Loss of a Pet

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It’s been a bad month for pet-loving celebs. Last week, one of Miley Cyrus’ dogs, Lila, died, just days after Kim Kardashian’s 4-month-old teacup Persian kitten, Mercy, passed away from a cancer-like virus, according to E! News. Both stars announced the deaths online to their fans. “My heart has never been so broken…,” Cyrus tweeted. The news comes weeks after Fiona Apple postponed tour dates to be with her tumor-stricken, 13-year-old pit bull, Janet, in her last days, according to Reuters.

“She’s my best friend and my mother and my daughter, my benefactor and she’s the one who taught me what love is,” Apple wrote in the four-page hand-written letter she posted on her Facebook page explaining the decision.

These celebrities certainly aren’t alone in their feelings. About 9 in 10 pet owners think of their pets as members of the family, according to a Harris Interactive poll. Following the death of their pet, about 30 percent of people experience grief that lasts at least six months, while 12 percent experience severe grief that results in major life disruption, according to researchers from the University of Hawaii.

“Pets are anchors in our lives. They provide nurturing and unconditional love, love that we don’t even always receive from other people, says Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D., director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition and author of When Your Pet Dies: A Guide to Mourning, Remembering and Healing. “The loss of a pet is a major life event.”

However, after the death of a pet, many owners experience what psychologists call “disenfranchised grief,” the pain of a loss that’s not openly acknowledged or socially supported. Subsequently, their grief can worsen into clinical depression, low self-esteem, and withdrawal, making healthful strategies vital to processing the death of a pet. “While we all feel grief at the loss of a pet, what integrates that loss into our lives and softens the sadness is the act of mourning,” Wolfe says. It is important to recognize that the feelings associated with the loss of a pet—such as sadness, anger, disbelief, and regret—are all normal and deserve expression, he says. Bottling up intense feelings can lead to deep resentment and is stressful on the body, which can make you more vulnerable to illness.

Here, five ways to say goodbye and cope with the loss of your furry family member:

Celebrate his life
A memorial service can provide a safe space for you and those close to your pet to share stories and openly express emotions, Wolfelt says. Consider holding a small celebration of life ceremony at home or contacting a pet funeral home. They are present in most major cities and offer burial and cremation services as well as caskets, urns, and grave markers designed for pets. From lighting candles to donating money to an organization that benefits animals, commemorate your pet’s life will help you say goodbye.

Take time off
While about seven in 10 private sector employees get paid bereavement time off, that time rarely extends to the loss of a pet. Still, you may need to take a day or two off of work to regain your sense of equilibrium, says Wolfelt, who notes that many people experience lethargy and mental disorientation after a pet’s death. If your boss is a fellow pet owner, explain your situation to her, or simply take a sick day. No explanation necessary.

Lean on the right friends
About two-thirds of the people in your life will make you feel worse—or at least not better—about the loss of your pet with poorly chosen comments like “You can always get another one,” or “Be glad you don’t have to take care of him any more,” according to Wolfelt. “Surround yourself with the select people who affirm and understand the significance of your pet in your life and support you,” he says. Getting involved in a pet loss support group or visiting a grief counselor can also help you work through your emotions.

Protect your health
Emotional stressors exact a great deal of energy from your body, causing many people to suffer from weakened immune systems and illnesses during grief, he says. While you may experience a loss of appetite and thirst or have trouble sleeping, following the death of a pet, giving your body plenty of energy through food, water, and rest are important to staying healthy and feeling better emotionally.

Put off your trip to the pet store
“Fight off the instinct to get a new pet so you won’t miss the old one,” Wolfelt says. “It’s important to only welcome a new pet into your home once you are ready to attach to him appropriately without comparison.” While each person’s timeline is different, he suggests giving yourself at least six months to process the loss of your pet before getting a new one. “When it doubt, wait,” he says.

More from WH:
All-Natural Depression Fixes
The Science of Heartache
Work Out with Your Dog

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9 Ways to Drive Safe Over the Holidays

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You already know that drinking and driving can be deadly. Now, evidence shows that daydreaming and driving is also a danger. People who let their minds wander behind the wheel are more likely to be in car accidents than their focused peers, according to a new study published in British Medical Journal.

French researchers interviewed 955 drivers who’d recently been injured in a motor vehicle crash. More than half of the drivers reported experiencing mind wandering before the accident, and 13 percent said their thoughts were “intense,” or highly disruptive/distracting. Most significantly, 17 percent of the drivers found to be responsible for their accidents also reported intense mind wandering just before impact.

When your mind wanders, you pay less attention to things you see and hear, and focus instead on internal thoughts, says Cédric Galéra, M.D., lead study author and psychiatrist at the Charles Perrens Hospital, University of Bordeaux in France. “Since your mind is turned towards yourself, [mind wandering] makes the driver prone to overlook hazards and make more errors independent of other distractions,” he says.

While a meandering mind is totally normal, it’s more likely to happen when you rest or do repetitive tasks that require little brainpower, like brushing your teeth or—you guessed it—driving. Moreover, certain moods make your mind even more apt to drift—like when you’re too tired or mellow, or too anxious or excited, says Joseph Cardillo, Ph.D., author of Can I Have Your Attention? How to Think Fast, Find Your Focus and Sharpen Your Concentration.

And here’s the thing: Distracting thoughts aren’t the only causes of dangerous driving. In fact, researchers have found that any time you take your eyes off the road or remove your hands from the wheel, you’re upping your risk for an accident. With all that in mind, here are 9 ways to get from point A to point B safely:

Define your mood, then adjust it
Before your foot hits the gas, complete the statement “I feel [blank].” Then, determine whether you need to calm down or step it up to reach the optimal driving mindset: a balance between calm and alert.

Make a game plan
Can’t stop thinking about a fight with your boyfriend, or what to wear when meeting his parents? Take control of your emotions with a plan that includes where, when, and why you will focus on your thoughts in the future. For instance: “When I get home in 45 minutes, I’m going to call my friend Lisa to vent, because she gives good advice and perspective.” Or, “When I get to the mall in twenty minutes, I’ll go straight to the department store, because they always stock the largest selection of perfect meet-the-parents dresses.” This proactive step will help you get the issue off your mind more easily, so you can concentrate on driving, says Cardillo.

Listen to music to decompress
“Music can adjust a mood that’s counterproductive to focused driving,” says Cardillo. Before you hop in the car for your holiday travel, queue up a playlist on your iPod. The rules: Songs should have fewer than 100 beats per minute (search on iTunes or Google any song name + BPM), contain inspiring lyrics, or remind you of a positive memory. Then, press play anytime you need to calm down.

Increase alertness with an upbeat song
When you’re making that first playlist, get to work on a second. This one is for jazzing you up when you’re feeling lethargic. Listening to a song with 100 to 175 beats per minute will increase your alertness, says Cardillo.

Open the windows to wake you up
It’s easy for your thoughts to veer off course during a long car ride—especially when you’re snuggled up in a comfy coat while a seat warmer toasts your buns, and the heat blows on high. But if it sounds too cozy, it probably is. Prevent dosing off by cracking a window. Like a cold shower, a cold blast of air can zap open drooping eyelids, fast. No luck? Find a well-lit parking lot, and pull over. Then lock the doors, and set your phone alarm to wake you up in 15 minutes before you close your eyes.

Leave your phone in your bag
Drivers who use hand-held devices are four times more likely to get into crashes serious enough to injure themselves, according to data from the Accident Research Centre at Monash University. If your phone is out of reach, you won’t be tempted to use it. And if you do have to make a call? Pull over. A 2009 Virginia Tech Transportation Institute study found that using a headset isn’t substantially safer than using a hand-held device.

Make your passenger your secretary
Text messaging while you drive makes you 23 times more likely to have an accident, compared to driving while not distracted, according to the 2009 VTTI study. If you simply must send a message, dictate it text to the person in the passenger seat, and he or she can text it for you.

Program your GPS before you put the car in drive
On the spectrum of driving distractions, text messaging is the worst offender. However, second to texting is fiddling with your GPS, according to a 2012 National Highway Traffic Safety study. That’s because destination entry takes longer than calling an existing phone contact, dialing a new 10-digit number, or adjusting the radio. Meaning: your eyes are off the road for way too long to drive safely.

Keep food away from the front seat
Any non-driving activity (i.e., chewing) takes your mind off your primary task: driving safely. According to Distraction.gov (yes, there is a website for distracted driving) eating while you drive can increase your risk of crashing…not to mention choking. Starving? Stop for a snack at the next restaurant, convenience store, or gas station (find the best and worst food options here), and eat it before you hit the road.

photo: iStockphoto/Thinkstock

More from WH:
More Ways to Prevent Car Accidents
The Best Ways to Stay Focused
Sharpen Your Mind

Look Better Naked: Buy the book to learn how to look (and feel!) your very best.

 

 

 

 

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