If that can’t-keep-your-hands-off-each-other passion has been long missing from your relationship, don’t freak out just yet. Most couples make a shift from romance to routine by their second anniversary, says sex and relationships counselor Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First and founder of Good in Bed. It’s part of deepening intimacy and a more stable commitment between the two of you.
But that doesn’t mean your relationship can’t benefit from some extra spark. Here, five expert-approved ways to relive your honeymoon phase year after year:
Mix Up Date Night
“The infatuation phase of relationships involves the spiking of a potent neurochemical cocktail, so it’s really as though couples are under the influence,” says Kerner. Luckily you can mix a similar dopamine and norepinephrine cocktail by simply doing new things with your man, according to research from the State University of New York at Stony Brook. What’s more, when your body is physiologically aroused (think: slippery palms and a racing heart) you associate that feeling with whatever’s in your environment… like each other. In one Stony Brook study, couples that participated in “exciting” activities reported greater marriage satisfaction than those who engaged in “pleasant” activities together. On your next date night, try taking a rock-climbing class or going after each other in a heated game of laser tag. Get the blood pumping, and you’ll feel the rush.
RELATED: 5 Valentine’s Day Dates Your Guy Will Love
See Things a New Way
The next time you and your guy have a fight, try to envision it from an outside, neutral perspective. Practicing this third-party assessment trick can help make you feel like you’re back in the honeymoon phase, according to a new study from Northwestern University. In the study, researchers asked 60 couples with declining relationship satisfaction to write about their disagreements for seven minutes, three times a year—from a neutral perspective. When the year was up, their decline in relationship satisfaction, passion, and sexual desire was completely halted. Try it yourself: The next time you and your guy go at it, take some time after to write out a perfectly neutral assessment of how it all went down. You don’t necessarily need to share your notes with him, but the act of putting yourself in an outside perspective can help you take a more balanced approach to the situation, rather than focusing exclusively on your feelings and how hurt or angry you are.
RELATED: 4 Strategies to Stop Relationship Arguments
Schedule Sex
The more often you have sex, the better. Period. Regular sex makes both of you produce more libido-revving testosterone so you’ll start going at it like rabbits even without a schedule. And couples that have regular sex are 65 percent more likely to be happy in their relationship, according to research published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy. So as not to bruise your guy’s manhood, say “I really miss having sex with you.” Schedule sexy-time once a week, so even if you miss a bout you won’t go a whole month sans loving.
RELATED: Boring Sex, Begone!
Keep the Mystery Alive
If familiarity doesn’t breed contempt, it definitely breeds indifference. Studies have shown that attraction relies on constant and lasting discovery of your partner. And the strongest individuals build the strongest bonds, Kerner says. So avoid texting each other real-time updates on every aspect of your life and give each other space. Try scheduling some guys and girls nights out, or even separate vacations with friends, he suggests.
RELATED: 6 Ways to Strengthen Your Friendships
Get Physical
Olivia Newton-John was right. Exercise makes you want to have sex. Exercise boosts your sex drive, mood, and clears your mind of clutter than can get in the way of any woman’s O, Kerner says. And if you’ve been considering welcoming a little blue pill into your bed, consider a gym date instead: In one study of 31,000 men, researchers from the Harvard School of Public Health found that those who exercised vigorously for 20 to 30 minutes a day were 30 percent less likely to report erectile dysfunction than were couch potatoes.
RELATED: The Do-Anywhere CrossFit Workout
More from Women’s Health:
When Less Romance is More
Improve Your Sex Life
Build a Better Relationship
Jessica Alba’s go-to tips for making affordable, stylish nontoxic choices for your home and family! Buy The Honest Life today!