It’s not just you—listening to someone chat away on the phone is a pet peeve for pretty much everyone. People who overheard a one-sided cell phone conversation reported being more distracted and irritated than those who overheard a two-person conversation, according to a new study published in the journal PLOS One. And good luck tuning it out—you’re also more likely to remember parts of a distracting cell phone conversation than you are to remember an actual nearby discussion.
To mimic real-world situations, researchers told participants they were completing a study on anagrams and reading comprehension. While they were working on the anagrams, a nearby participant (who was actually a fellow researcher) either talked on his or her cell phone or chatted with a third participant. After the study was finished, the participants filled out a questionnaire about the situation. They also completed a memory task about what they had overheard. The people who heard the one-sided conversation reported the experience as being more distracting and irritating. Plus, they actually scored twice as high on the memory task as the participants who overheard a full discussion—even though many said that they were actively trying to tune it out.
“The brain wants to understand patterns,” says lead study author Veronica Galván, PhD, assistant professor at the University of San Diego. “Having no context for that speech is what seems to be so attention-grabbing.” Essentially, hearing only half of a conversation makes you more likely to perk up and listen because you automatically try to figure out what the convo is about—even if you’d prefer not to hear it at all.
It’s tempting to confiscate someone’s phone the next time they’re yapping loudly right next to you, but there are other strategies that won’t cause a scene. Here, a few ways to deal with the rudeness:
Try to relocate
It can be brutal to give up a prime coffee shop seat just because the person next to you won’t shut up, but it might be your best option. “If you can move away, it’s going to be easier than trying to police someone else’s behavior,” says Anna Post, co-author of Emily Post’s Etiquette, 18th Edition. “Especially if this is a stranger, because you really don’t know who you might get.” Try to read the situation: If there’s no way this person is quieting down—let alone getting off the phone—you might want to pack it up and move.
Make eye contact
Sure, some people truly don’t care if you hear them having a full-blown fight on their cell. But others may just get caught up in their conversation and forget where they are for a moment. When you’re stuck next to someone like this and they seem a little oblivious, try to catch their eye. This spark of awareness may be all they need to remember that they’re not in soundproof bubble, says Post.
Pop in your ear buds
If escaping the noise isn’t an option and the eye contact trick doesn’t work, grab your headphones. Not only will listening to Adele chill you out, but it’s easier to tune out your own music than it is to ignore a one-sided conversation (since your mind won’t be working overtime to fill in the blanks). Or, if your headphones help muffle the noise, you could wear them and not play any music at all.
Call for backup
If you’re in a public place—like a restaurant or nail salon—and stuck sitting next to a loud cell phone talker, you may be able to ask management to step in. Just discreetly excuse yourself to find the manager and see if they can either ask the person to quiet down or move you away from the noise, says Post.
Speak up—but be careful how you do it
Whether you’re brave or you’ve just run out of other options, sometimes you really want to say something to the offender. In this case, always keep it short, simple, and neutral. “Don’t start commenting on how rude it is—that’s implied because you’re speaking up,” says Post. But on the other hand, you don’t want to go overly sweet, which can come off as disingenuous. Simply smile and get straight to the point by saying, “Hi, would you mind lowering your voice a little? Thanks.”
But here’s the clincher: Make sure your “thanks” is undeniably neutral and not loaded with condescension and cattiness. “I can’t stress enough how many people do well until the thanks,” says Post. “They blow it because they say thanks with that snide, snarky, superior tone and it just destroys any progress you made prior to it.” Her advice: Be bland and unmemorable—but direct.
More from Women’s Health:
Relieve Stress and Noise Pollution
Work place Etiquette
Dealing With Rude Coworkers
