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The Annoying Habit You Need to Break

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When a friend says she likes your outfit, how do you respond? A recent Inside Amy Schumer skit suggests that most of us self implode (heads up: Seriously NSFW):

Of course, this scene is a bit extreme—but it gets at a real issue that many women face with trash-talking themselves and their bodies. Unfortunately, dissing yourself doesn’t help you fit in—it actually makes you less likeable, according to a new study conducted by University of Notre Dame’s Body Image and Eating Disorder Lab.

In the study, 139 normal-weight undergraduate women ranked the likeability of noticeably thin or noticeably overweight women’s photos. Some were pictured next to statements researchers defined as “fat talk”—self-disparaging comments about food, weight, or other insecurities—while others were pictured next to positive statements about their body image. And while people who engaged in fat talk were the least likeable, regardless of their weight, women who spoke highly of themselves were rated as the most likable.

Why? It’s only natural to be drawn to people who are positive, confident, and comfortable with themselves—both psychologically and physically, says study co-author Michaela Bucchianeri, PhD, a postdoctoral fellow at the University of Minnesota. When you’re around someone who accepts her body, you’re encouraged to shed your insecurities and embrace your own shape. And as a result, your mood soars.

On the flip side, previous studies have shown that fat talk is contagious—just like in the Inside clip. And since fat chat is associated with—and can actually cause—body dissatisfaction, you’re much more likely to walk away feeling badly about yourself, says Bucchianeri. “Whether these comments are made out of a need for belonging, desire for reassurance from others, or simple habit, the evidence suggests it can only hurt us, not help us,” she says.

But because you likely hear people diss their bodies all the time, it can be especially tricky to cut it out of your conversations. Use Bucchianeri’s strategies to curb fat talk (and keep your friends):

Focus on your assets
So you hate your cankles. The key to feeling better about them—or at least not complaining about them all the time—lies in choosing to focus on the other things that more than make up for your slightly thicker-than-normal ankles, says Bucchianeri. Maybe you’re super-proud of your sharp wit, for example, or the fact that you can command a boardroom without breaking a sweat.

If you’re so stuck in a negative mindset that you’re struggling to come up with a reason you rock, phone a friend or parent and ask them for a refresher course on your strengths. Everyone has at least a few things they totally own—and hearing someone else articulate them may be just the kick in the pants you need to snap out of your funk.

Make compliments count
Often, well-intentioned compliments (i.e., “You look amazing in that dress! Did you lose weight?”) can trigger other people’s fat talk (i.e., “I got so fat that nothing else fits.”). And that leads you to chime in. So, instead of just commenting on a coworker’s appearance, praise the qualities you can’t see—like her awesome personality traits (“You give the world’s best advice!”).

When you hear fat talk, change the conversation
If your friend says she got so fat this winter and you chime in with “Ugh, me too!” your reaction doesn’t make her feel better; it just reinforces her negativity, says Bucchianeri. Instead, tell her you hate hearing her talk like that because she has so many positive qualities. Then name them to give your point more impact. And if her fat chat is incessant? Bucchianeri suggests saying, “I’m uncomfortable with all of the focus on weight when we get together. Can we talk about something else?”

If you’re genuinely dissatisfied with your body…
Take charge with a new workout or some simple diet tweaks. But first, make sure you’re taking on healthier habits for the right reason. “Consistent exercisers who see working out as part of their lifestyle, rather than as a way to change their appearance, have the most success keeping weight off,” says J. Graham Thomas, Ph.D., an assistant professor at the Weight Control and Diabetes Research Center at Brown Medical School.

Instead of dwelling on the svelte figure you want, focus on the awesome benefits of treating your body well—like having more energy, more strength, and maintaining a better mood. And when someone compliments you about how awesome you look as a result? Just say “thank you!”

Additional reporting by Araina Bond
photo: iStockphoto/Thinkstock

More from WH:
Too Legit To Quit: Workout Motivation
Bikini Confidence Boosters
Bust Through Body Confidence Barriers

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Should You Take a Break from Working Out?

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Former gym rat Gwen Stefani has thrown in the towel on exercise. “This past year, I kind of stopped working out. I think my body just needed a break. And so I did that and focused more on feeling good as opposed to beating myself up,” she recently told Marie Claire UK in an interview.

While recording and promoting No Doubt’s sixth studio album, Push And Shove, the singer, clothing designer, wife, and mother of two decided that working out, something she once felt she “had to do,” had to go. Last year, Stefani claimed she was addicted to exercising, according to the magazine.

However, that all-or-nothing approach to exercise is what Stefani and other exercisers really need to rid themselves of, says Barbara Bushman, Ph.D., a professor of kinesiology at Missouri State University.

“Rest can be just as important to fitness as working out,” she says. Why? Your body doesn’t get stronger during exercise. It gets stronger while it’s rebuilding itself from that exercise. Overtraining deprives your muscles the time they need to heal, diminishing results and risking injury. What’s more, people who work out too hard for too long may be less healthy than people who don’t work out at all, according to a review recently published in the British journal Heart. During excessive exercise, the body releases more free radicals than the body’s antioxidants can handle, risking harm to internal organs and tissues.

“However, rest doesn’t mean lying in a hammock. Rest should be part of your workout, not an alternative to your workout,” Bushman says. Unless you have a medical condition that prohibits you from exercising, physical activity should always be part of a healthy lifestyle. Putting exercise on hold for more than two weeks can lead to loss of muscle mass and a decline in fitness.

Have you been beating yourself up with exercise? Here, five ways to make rest part of your workout, improve your fitness gains, and love the gym again:

Be diligent with off days
Include at least one or two no-exercise days into your fitness schedule each week, and let at least 48 hours pass before re-working any given muscle group to give your body time to repair itself, Bushman advises. For example, if you work your triceps hard on Monday, wait until Wednesday to perform a triceps-specific exercise. Also, by realizing that effective workouts can be short and sweet, you are less likely to feel that they are keeping you from your other priorities. Bonus: In a recent study from the University of Copenhagen, people who exercised for 30 minutes a day lost more weight than those who exercised for an hour a day.

Alternate hard and easy
Crafting a schedule that switches between “hard” and “easy” days can add variety, interest, and needed rest into your workout. Runners who train using the model suffer fewer injuries, enjoy their workouts more, and can run almost twice as far as those who exercise at a similar level of intensity during each workout, according to University of Oregon track and field coach Bill Bowerman, who popularized the training principle.

Try something new
Have you stopped looking forward to your workouts? “Try out a new exercise such as hiking or cycling, or take up a team sport or gym class with your friends,” Bushman says. It will allow you to mix up your workout plan, give overworked muscles a rest, and train those you might typically miss.

Nourish your muscles
Between workouts, focus on helping your muscles repair themselves through gentle stretching, eight hours of sleep a night, and plenty of healthy muscle-building foods, she says. Research has shown that good-for-you nutrients including protein, whole grain-carbohydrates, omega-3 fatty acids, calcium, zinc, and vitamins A, C, and D promote cell growth and muscle recovery. (Check out the best workout foods.)

Tweak your priorities
By valuing working out as a way to improve mood, fight stress, and increase energy, you’ll enjoy exercise more and consider it as something you want to do, not something you are obligated to do, Bushman says. The result: You’ll make fitness a priority over the long term and reap bigger fitness gains. According to research from the American College of Sports Medicine, people who exercise to feel good stick with workouts longer than those who do it to look good.

More from WH:
The Best Workout Foods
Stretching Workout for Women
When Running Isn’t Healthy

Look Better Naked: Buy the book to learn how to look (and feel!) your very best.

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The Verbal Habit You Need to Break

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Chances are you’re guilty of this verbal faux-pas: Researchers coined the term “uptalk” to refer to that rising, questioning tone many people tack on to the end of a sentence (think of how it sounds when you say, “You know?”). It makes your statements sound like questions, which can come across as uncertainty. The bad news: Women use uptalk way more often than men do—even when they’re totally sure of themselves, according to a recent article in the journal Gender & Society.

Using the game show Jeopardy! as a case study, Thomas Linneman, Ph.D, associate professor at the College of William & Mary, examined the use of uptalk in contestants throughout 100 episodes. Even though the show requires players to answer in the form of a question, most contestants still respond with statements. On average, contestants used uptalk 37% of the time, but women were more likely to use it—even on correct responses.

And being in the lead had a surprising impact. “If you’re really successful on the show, that’s going to play into how sure you are of yourself,” says Linneman. “And that was true for men. The more a man was ahead in the game, the less he used uptalk. But the opposite was true for women. The further ahead they were in the game, the more they used uptalk.” So even when women were killing it on the show, they still subconsciously talked like they weren’t sure of their answers.

One explanation might be that women don’t want to flaunt their success as much as men do. “Unfortunately, the literature shows that successful or aggressive women are penalized for that,” says Linneman. It’s possible that this is a subconscious way to downplay that power.

But sounding confident is crucial, whether you’re at a business meeting or a cocktail party. Follow these expert tips to speak with conviction.

Hit record
“Use your smartphone or recorder to tape yourself if you’re giving a presentation or expected to speak in a meeting. Then play it back when you’re alone,” says Linneman. It’s the best way to identify any speech patterns you need to work on.

Mirror a pro
Younger women use uptalk far more frequently than older generations, says Linneman. Take a cue from a seasoned colleague who rocks a proposal or watch a TED talk from a powerful speaker like Sheryl Sandberg. Focus in on how her tone of voice makes her sound more authoritative, then mimic that until you’ve got it down.

Treat your nerves
Uptalk often comes out when you’re most insecure. “The underlying questions behind it are, ‘Do you know what I mean? Are you listening?’” says Boulder, Colorado-based speaking coach Andi O’Conor, Ph.D., founder of Communication Consulting, Inc. “Go in with the mindset that you know what you’re talking about.” If you address the insecurity, the uptalk may disappear.

Recruit a buddy
Vocal habits are hard to break, so don’t be afraid to bring in reinforcements. Let a friend know you’re trying to cut back so they can tell you when you’re doing it, says Linneman. Bonus if you can get a trusted coworker to give you a signal mid-meeting whenever your voice starts to rise.

Keep it short
Remember that you don’t need to give a speech when a comment will suffice. “When someone turns the spotlight on you, we feel pressured to construct some elaborate response,” says O’Conor. If you’re unsure of yourself, just say something short and to the point like, “That’s so interesting, I never thought about it like that,” before turning it over to the next person.

Don’t lose steam
Bringing your voice down at the end of a sentence can be just as toxic as bringing it up higher. “The most important information in a sentence is at the end,” says O’Conor. “But that’s where we tend to drop off.” Stay aware of this and practice maintaining your enthusiasm all the way to the end of the statement. It’s a subtle difference, but it will keep listeners engaged.

Stay mindful of gestures
Your body language can help you or hurt you. Beware of leaning in, which many people do when they’re nervously trying to get a point across. And avoid unnecessary hand-talking. “You want your gestures to be like punctuation for the sentence,” says O’Conor. “They should always be intentional.”

Show off your passion
You’ll always sound more confident talking about things you’re interested in—but it usually isn’t appropriate to loop Ryan Gosling gossip into a work meeting. Regardless of the topic, find a way to add in an expressive anecdote or simply start off by saying how excited you are about these new developments. “Love what you’re going to say. If you don’t love it, change it,” says O’Conor. “When you’re bored, that’s when you start to sound unsure and insecure.”

More from WH:
How to Talk to Your Boyfriend So He’ll Listen
The Best Ways to Stay Focused
Sharpen Your Mind

Look Better Naked: Buy the book to learn how to look (and feel!) your very best.

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