Chances are you’re guilty of this verbal faux-pas: Researchers coined the term “uptalk” to refer to that rising, questioning tone many people tack on to the end of a sentence (think of how it sounds when you say, “You know?”). It makes your statements sound like questions, which can come across as uncertainty. The bad news: Women use uptalk way more often than men do—even when they’re totally sure of themselves, according to a recent article in the journal Gender & Society.
Using the game show Jeopardy! as a case study, Thomas Linneman, Ph.D, associate professor at the College of William & Mary, examined the use of uptalk in contestants throughout 100 episodes. Even though the show requires players to answer in the form of a question, most contestants still respond with statements. On average, contestants used uptalk 37% of the time, but women were more likely to use it—even on correct responses.
And being in the lead had a surprising impact. “If you’re really successful on the show, that’s going to play into how sure you are of yourself,” says Linneman. “And that was true for men. The more a man was ahead in the game, the less he used uptalk. But the opposite was true for women. The further ahead they were in the game, the more they used uptalk.” So even when women were killing it on the show, they still subconsciously talked like they weren’t sure of their answers.
One explanation might be that women don’t want to flaunt their success as much as men do. “Unfortunately, the literature shows that successful or aggressive women are penalized for that,” says Linneman. It’s possible that this is a subconscious way to downplay that power.
But sounding confident is crucial, whether you’re at a business meeting or a cocktail party. Follow these expert tips to speak with conviction.
Hit record
“Use your smartphone or recorder to tape yourself if you’re giving a presentation or expected to speak in a meeting. Then play it back when you’re alone,” says Linneman. It’s the best way to identify any speech patterns you need to work on.
Mirror a pro
Younger women use uptalk far more frequently than older generations, says Linneman. Take a cue from a seasoned colleague who rocks a proposal or watch a TED talk from a powerful speaker like Sheryl Sandberg. Focus in on how her tone of voice makes her sound more authoritative, then mimic that until you’ve got it down.
Treat your nerves
Uptalk often comes out when you’re most insecure. “The underlying questions behind it are, ‘Do you know what I mean? Are you listening?’” says Boulder, Colorado-based speaking coach Andi O’Conor, Ph.D., founder of Communication Consulting, Inc. “Go in with the mindset that you know what you’re talking about.” If you address the insecurity, the uptalk may disappear.
Recruit a buddy
Vocal habits are hard to break, so don’t be afraid to bring in reinforcements. Let a friend know you’re trying to cut back so they can tell you when you’re doing it, says Linneman. Bonus if you can get a trusted coworker to give you a signal mid-meeting whenever your voice starts to rise.
Keep it short
Remember that you don’t need to give a speech when a comment will suffice. “When someone turns the spotlight on you, we feel pressured to construct some elaborate response,” says O’Conor. If you’re unsure of yourself, just say something short and to the point like, “That’s so interesting, I never thought about it like that,” before turning it over to the next person.
Don’t lose steam
Bringing your voice down at the end of a sentence can be just as toxic as bringing it up higher. “The most important information in a sentence is at the end,” says O’Conor. “But that’s where we tend to drop off.” Stay aware of this and practice maintaining your enthusiasm all the way to the end of the statement. It’s a subtle difference, but it will keep listeners engaged.
Stay mindful of gestures
Your body language can help you or hurt you. Beware of leaning in, which many people do when they’re nervously trying to get a point across. And avoid unnecessary hand-talking. “You want your gestures to be like punctuation for the sentence,” says O’Conor. “They should always be intentional.”
Show off your passion
You’ll always sound more confident talking about things you’re interested in—but it usually isn’t appropriate to loop Ryan Gosling gossip into a work meeting. Regardless of the topic, find a way to add in an expressive anecdote or simply start off by saying how excited you are about these new developments. “Love what you’re going to say. If you don’t love it, change it,” says O’Conor. “When you’re bored, that’s when you start to sound unsure and insecure.”
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