Relationships are complicated enough without adding an STD to the equation. It’s not exactly the type of thing you can just include in your online dating profile—that is, unless you’re part of a growing number of people joining niche dating sites specifically geared toward people with STDs.
Case in point: Last year, more than 100,000 people signed up for the worldwide STD dating site Positive Singles, according to company data. And it’s no wonder the site is so popular: There are 20 million new incidences of STDs in the U.S. each year, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention—and that’s on top of the 110 million Americans who are already infected.
“STDs are so common that it’s hard to find a partner who hasn’t dealt with it before,” says Shari Brasner, MD, a gynecologist and assistant clinical professor at Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York City.
Here’s the thing, though: Just because you and your partner have the same STD doesn’t mean it’s safe to have unprotected sex.
While direct re-exposure to an STD won’t always worsen your case, it could trigger flare-ups from a dormant infection like herpes, says Brasner. Plus, if your partner has been exposed to one STD, he’s more likely to have been exposed to others. And since many super-common STDs such as herpes, HPV, and Chlamydia can be asymptomatic, but still contagious, he may not even know if he’s a carrier, says Brasner.
The bottom line: You two love bugs may share the same love bugs—but you still have to use a condom. To further reduce your chance of transmitting STDs, avoid all sexual contact—kissing included—if either of you are experiencing symptoms or feel an outbreak coming on.
One final note: Condoms help minimize your risk, but they aren’t foolproof. “Because it doesn’t cover all skin surfaces, it’s an imperfect barrier,” says Brasner, “but it’s the best protection we have.”
More from WH:
STD Facts You Should Know
6 Ways to Refresh Your Digital Dating Strategy
The Biggest Myths About Sex and Pregnancy