The One Time You SHOULDN’T Have Sex

You can probably think of tons of legitimate reasons to have sex with your partner (you’re super turned on, you’re dying to try a new position, you’re both home on a Tuesday night). But here’s one reason that doesn’t pass muster: When people have sex to avoid disappointing their partner (rather than to promote intimacy), they’re both less satisfied with the experience and their relationship, according to a series of studies published online in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.

In two studies, couples were asked to complete nightly diaries asking if they had sex and if so, what the motivations and outcomes were. They found that when people were motivated by approach goals (to boost intimacy, get closer, feel pleasure, etc.), they felt more desire and in turn more satisfied with the sex and the relationship. But if they had sex for avoidance goals (to avoid conflict, prevent an argument, avoid disappointing their partner, etc.), they felt less desire and less satisfaction. Surprisingly, one person’s motivations even affected how their partner felt.

Why it hurts your bond
“What was really interesting to us is that if you’re having sex to avoid disappointing your partner, you might not feel that great about it because you’re not really into it—but you at least think it’s benefitting your partner,” says study author Amy Muise, PhD, post-doctoral fellow at University of Toronto Mississauga. “But the partner can somehow sense this, and it’s detracting from their satisfaction.”

So should you skip sex altogether if you’re not doing it for the right reasons? Not necessarily. According to Muise, having sex for any reason is shown to boost relationship satisfaction at least temporarily, though you see a much bigger increase when motivated by approach goals. However, if you’re having “avoidance sex” pretty frequently, that can be a problem. “On that day it’s okay, but if we’re constantly avoidance-motivated, that catches up with us over time,” says Muise. In the second study, people who had sex for avoidance goals more over the course of the diary felt less sexual satisfaction four months later, whereas their partners felt less desire and less commitment to the relationship!

Change your mindset
Here’s the good news: it’s possible to revamp your thinking so that you’re having sex for approach goals, rather than avoidance goals, says Muise. For instance, maybe you’ve been fighting with your guy and you think a good romp will help you avoid another argument. Instead, think about having sex to feel closer to each other and get back in sync. “It’s not a huge, drastic shift in thinking,” says Muise. “But it does seem to have these consistently strong effects on the outcomes of our relationships.”

Check out more ways to feel closer to your guy—in and out of the bedroom:

The Secrets of Close Couples

10 Ways to Build Trust in Your Relationship

The Secret Language of Great Couples

4 Ways to Stop Arguing

The #1 Time to Have His Back

photo: Lisa S./Shutterstock

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4 Signs It’s Time to Toss Your Toothbrush

If you throw your toothbrush in the trash every time you get sick, it may be unnecessary: Toothbrushes you use while you have strep or a sore throat don’t continue to harbor the germs you had while sick, according to a new study presented at the Pediatric Academic Societies in Washington, D.C., last week.

Researchers from the University of Texas Medical Branch at Galveston tested toothbrushes to see whether A streptococcus, the bacteria that causes strep, was present. Of the 54 brushes examined, 14 had been used by participants with strep throat, 13 had been used by participants with a sore throat (but not strep), and 27 were used by healthy participants. The bacteria was detected on just one of the toothbrushes—and it had been used by a healthy participant.

While these findings suggest it’s probably safe to keep your toothbrush even if you’ve used it while sick, there are other times when it’s best to say buh-bye to your brush. The main one: If it’s been three months since your last switch, it’s time to grab a new brush, says Carolyn Taggart-Burns, DDS, fellow in the Academy of General Dentistry. Here, she shares a few other instances in which you really need to trash yours:

The bristles are worn
Any time they’ve lost their rigidity or their color, it’s a good indication that you’re due for a new brush. Another thing to keep in mind: If you have toothpaste buildup, it’ll harbor tons of bacteria, says Taggart-Burns. So consider that another sign it’s time for a replacement.

You’ve dropped it…anywhere
Not that the two-second rule applies in general, but it really doesn’t apply to toothbrushes. “We brush our teeth in one of the dirtiest rooms in our house,” says Taggart-Burns. Your toothbrush can pick up bacteria even if you’ve just dropped it in the sink for a few seconds. As a general rule of thumb, if your toothbrush ends up anywhere it’s not supposed to be, just toss it.

You bumped toothbrushes with your roommate
The second your toothbrush touches someone else’s (or—gross—they use it), you’re basically swapping hosts of different bacteria with that person, says Taggart-Burns. Whether this might make you sick really depends on the person in question and how close you are. For example, you and your significant other are sharing the same bacteria to begin with, so using his brush (or vice versa) probably won’t expose you to any foreign bacteria that might make you ill. If, however, your brush touches anyone else’s, you’d better hit the store for a new one.

You’ve been traveling
If your toothbrush has been in a closed container for more than a day, you should probably throw it out. Since bacteria will grow in any moist environment, it’s important to let your brush dry as fully and as quickly as possible between uses to cut back on grimy germ growth.

To keep your toothbrush as bacteria-free as possible while you travel, look for a container that has holes for ventilation and let it air out as soon as you reach your destination. You can also keep your case clean by throwing it in the dishwasher after each use; the heat will knock out any bacterial growth.

Photo: iStockphoto/Thinkstock

More from WH:
8 Ways to Beat Bad Breath
How Clean Teeth Keep You Healthy
The Cure for Sensitive Teeth

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The Time You’re Most Likely to Binge

When you’re tempted to dive face-first into a bag of chips could be tied to your body’s circadian rhythm: Cravings for sweet, salty, and starchy foods peak in the evening, when hunger levels are also at their highest, according to a new study in the journal Obesity.

Researchers at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston kept 12 healthy people in a controlled lab environment to track how circadian rhythms impact food behaviors. What they found? Regardless of what time the subjects woke up or when they’d had their last meal, their desire for sweet, salty, and starchy foods peaked around 8 p.m., as did their feelings of hunger. The takeaway? Our body’s internal clock has a pre-scheduled effect on our appetite, and it wants us to eat more in the evening.

While it’s not clear why this happens, the researchers have a theory. “From an evolutionary perspective, it sort of makes sense,” says senior study author Steven Shea, PhD, director of the Center for Research on Occupational and Environmental Toxicology at Oregon Health & Science University. When evolving humans faced periods of famine, those who could easily store their food as fat had a better chance of survival. As it turns out, our bodies are more likely to store food as fat when we stuff our faces in the p.m. instead of the a.m. In fact, previous research has shown that people who eat their largest meal in the morning lose more weight than people who save it for the end of the day—even if their overall calorie intake is the same, says Shea.

These days, binging late at night is no longer a handy survival mechanism–it’s just unhealthy. Luckily, your circadian rhythms don’t have to have the last word on when you’re tempted to eat. Pam Peeke, MD, author of The Hunger Fix, suggests ways to beat back a powerful craving—or prevent it from happening at all.

Go to bed earlier
The study indicates that people are staying up later, when your hunger levels are at their peak. You may not be able to help being a night owl, depending on your work schedule, but whenever you can, try nipping this problem in the bud by going to bed earlier. That way you’ll be asleep when your food cravings are at their strongest. Plus, research shows that just getting enough shuteye also helps you make healthier food choices throughout the day and lowers your risk of obesity.

Don’t eat in front of the tube
When you plop yourself in front of the latest episode of Game of Thrones, don’t let a bag of chips keep you company. You’ll be so focused on what’s happening on the screen, you may lose track of how much you’re shoveling into your mouth. “Put yourself on red alert that this is the time when major overeating takes place,” says Peeke. Instead of snacking while you watch, save TV for after dinner. Let it be your reward for polishing off a healthy meal.

Pop a stick of mint gum
This trick does triple-duty to curb cravings: Chewing gum keeps your mouth busy, it tastes good, and it signals to your brain that you’re content. Just the act of chewing sends blood rushing to your hypothalamus, says Peeke, which causes your brain to release the feel-good chemical serotonin. Suddenly, demolishing a candy bar doesn’t feel quite as necessary for your mental health. Sugar-free peppermint gum is best: According to research out of Wheeling Jesuit University, just the smell of peppermint can make you feel less hungry and consume fewer calories.

If you have to indulge, eat a small portion of a high-quality snack
You’re not a robot. It’s okay to give into the occasional craving now and then, says Peeke. Just limit your snack to 150 calories, and make it count. Instead of opting for the crappy chocolate bar at the checkout counter, try nibbling on a small piece of organic chocolate. It’s more likely to contain high-powered antioxidants, and the strong chocolate-y taste will satisfy your sweet tooth, says Peeke. The same rule applies to any of your no-go foods: When you have to indulge, go ahead and treat yourself. Just go for high-quality and stick to small serving sizes.

photo: iStockphoto/Thinkstock

More From Women’s Health:
7 Ways to Stop Craving Junk Food
Curb Your Sweet Tooth
10 Snacks That Fight Fat

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The Worst Time to Grocery Shop

You know that buying Chunky Monkey is a bad idea–so how did a pint find its way into your grocery bag? Your hunger could be to blame. You’re more likely to buy high calorie foods if you shop on an empty stomach, according to a new study recently published in Jama Internal Medicine.

Researchers asked 68 people to avoid food for five hours. They then served half of them crackers to eat until they felt satisfied. Finally, all of the participants shopped at an online grocery store. The result: The hungry shoppers chose more high-calorie foods than their just-fed counterparts.

In a follow-up study, researchers tracked people’s food purchases in a brick-and-mortar grocery store at two different times: right after lunch, when they were most likely to be full, and right before dinnertime, when they were likely to be hungry. Interestingly, hunger didn’t significantly affect how many items the shoppers bought—but it did affect the kind of food they purchased. Hungry shoppers filled their carts with more high-calorie foods and fewer lower-calorie foods than the full shoppers.

Previous research suggests that hunger makes your brain find high-calorie grub more appealing. One explanation: When you’re hungry, your body thinks food is scarce, says study co-author Aner Tal, PhD, a post-doctoral research associate at Cornell University’s Food and Brand Lab. You’re hard-wired to look for high-calorie foods to make up for this deficiency and prevent it in the future, he says. And while this makes sense for an animal in the wild, it’s not the smartest strategy for humans who have access to so much unhealthy food.

It seems obvious, but the best way to prevent your instincts from taking over your shopping cart is to avoid grocery shopping when you’re hungry and stick to a premade grocery list. If you typically swing by the grocery store on your way home from work before dinner, pack a snack. And if you can’t eat before you shop, push your cart directly to the produce aisle to pick up (and pay for) an apple to take the edge off. Then steer clear of the foods that don’t deserve a place in your pantry.

photo: iStockphoto/Thinkstock

More from WH:
PRINT IT: The Healthiest Grocery Shopping List
How to Stop Impulsive Shopping
Retail Therapy: Does It Work?

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Do You Want to Be a Mom and Work Full Time?

Everyone’s buzzing about the new career advice book Lean In from Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg (check out this peak inside the book). While some people have more positive things to say than others, one thing’s for sure: A growing number of women want to have both a career and kids. According to a recent Pew Research Center survey, close to one-third of mothers with children under 18 said they would prefer to work full time. In 2007, only 21 percent of mothers said the same.

Researchers asked 2,511 mothers and fathers about the challenges they face trying to balance a job and parenting. They also analyzed the American Time Use Survey, which asked more than 124,000 mothers and fathers how they split their time between work and home—and well they felt they managed it.

Why the uptick? Researchers say they think it might be due to economic necessity. “The women that said they didn’t have enough money to make ends meet were the ones who said they wanted to work full time,” says Kim Parker, MA, a study co-author and associate director at the Pew Research Center. But when it came to juggling work and family life, 56 percent of working mothers said it’s difficult to balance the two–while only 50 percent of dads said they have trouble dealing with it.

There’s no doubt about it: Raising a family can be hectic, and working 40 hours a week (sometimes more) just adds to the stress. See how real working moms (and fellow Women’s Health followers) make it work:

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TELL US: What are your secrets for staying on top of things at work and at home? Share them in the comments!

photo: Ron Chapple Studios/Thinkstock

More from Women’s Health:
Get Your Dream Job
Climb the Career Ladder: Easy Ways to Boost Your Career
5 Books That Will Change Your Career

15 Min Belly, Butt & Thigh Workout
What’s the 15-Minute Fat Loss Secret? Find out here!

 

 

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