Don’t Let Social Media Wreck Your Relationship

Posted on June 18, 2013 by admin

You might want to lay off of social media—for your relationship’s sake. People who use Facebook more than once a day are more likely to report relationship conflicts arising from social media, according to a new study in the Journal of Cyberpsychology, Behavior and Social Networking. And even worse—those conflicts had a significant correlation with negative relationship outcomes, like cheating, breaking up, or getting divorced.

Researchers surveyed 205 Facebook users about how often they use the site, if they’ve had Facebook-related conflicts with a current or former partner, and if these conflicts ever led to cheating or breaking up. On average, people were using Facebook daily, so the researchers looked at any users who logged on more often than that. The result: People who spent more time on the site had more Facebook-related conflicts and negative relationship outcomes. One noteworthy finding: these results only held for couples in relationships of three years or less—so it may be the case that Facebook use is most threatening for less-matured bonds.

“Previous research has shown that the more a person in a romantic relationship uses Facebook, the more likely they are to monitor their partner’s Facebook activity more stringently, which can lead to feelings of jealousy,” says lead study author Russell Clayton, doctoral candidate at the University of Missouri. “Also, our study found that excessive Facebook users are more likely to connect or reconnect with other Facebook users, including previous partners, which may lead to emotional and physical cheating.”

But you don’t need to deactivate your account to have a healthy relationship. Follow these rules to make sure social media habits aren’t sabotaging your bond:

Rule #1: Avoid the premature relationship-status change
Relationship experts agree that the worst social media faux pas is becoming “Facebook official” before you’re actually official. “You need to have that conversation before you change it,” says Wendy Walsh, PhD, author of The 30-Day Love Detox. You should also hold off on posting about a date or sharing photos of you two together before you’ve become a couple. “When a relationship is in its fragile dating stage, it’s very important to have privacy. Intimacy needs privacy to grow,” says Walsh.

Rule: #2: Stop mindlessly browsing
In this study, just logging more time on Facebook was linked with more conflict. So it’s smart to limit your daily posting and tweeting—especially if you’re often sneaking a peak at your newsfeed while you’re together. Even if you’re just mindlessly scrolling through your feed while watching TV with your partner, it can give off the impression that they’re not as important to you, says Christie Hartman, PhD, author of Find the Love of Your Life Online. “Be aware of what you’re paying attention to,” says Hartman. “If they start complaining or showing annoyance, it’s a sign that you’ve gone too far.”

Rule #3: Log off when you’re upset
If you just had a fight or you’re going through a rough patch, step away from the computer (or your phone). Since your newsfeed can be filled with everything from humblebragging couples to photos of your (fitter than ever) ex, it can be filled with landmines that make you feel bad about your relationship—or worse. “It’s really easy to log on and imagine that there might be a bigger, better deal out there,” says Walsh. Plus, you may end up shooting off a passive-aggressive rant that you’ll later regret, says Hartman.

Rule #4: Friend exes with caution
One of the riskiest features of Facebook is that it makes it super easy to connect and communicate with an ex or old crush, which is why the common debate—can exes stay friends?—is only amplified online.

While you probably don’t want to make a point of friending an ex after you’ve started dating a new person, it’s important to tread carefully even if one or both of you are already friends with your exes. Stay cautious about your interactions with them, says Walsh. Her suggestion for staying on your toes: “Imagine that someone has the ability to cut and paste whatever you type and post it publicly.” The bottom line: Don’t be fooled by a false sense of privacy online.

Rule #5: Brag a little bit
Don’t worry: Not all social media habits are relationship kryptonite. In fact, couples who regularly post profile pictures with their partners and share things about their relationship online are also more likely to feel happier about their bonds, according to a new study in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science. Hartman says that a little bragging online is totally healthy for your relationship: “It shows that you aren’t on Facebook ignoring your partner—you’re including them.” So feel free to tweet about your boyfriend’s awesome promotion or Instagram the flowers he surprised you with. Just don’t go overboard, warns Hartman, or it won’t seem sincere.

photo: iStockphoto/Thinkstock

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Use Social Media to Boost Your Career

Posted on April 4, 2013 by admin

Think you’re just wasting time when you’re on Facebook or Twitter? Well, if you’re just clicking through friends’ pictures, then you probably are. But if you play your cards right, the time you spend on social media could land you a new gig: Funny lady Ana Gasteyer, who currently stars on Suburgatory and is a former Saturday Night Live cast member, landed a new Weight Watchers Online campaign after tweeting about the program.

Gasteyer started the Weight Watchers Online plan on her own—and then began tweeting at and about the company (she now has more than 70,000 followers). Last November, for example, Gasteyer tweeted out, “Hey ‪@Weightwatchers, how many Activity points for sweatily trying to get out of a Spanx undershirt?” It wasn’t long before she caught the attention of company execs.

While you may not have 70,000 Twitter followers, there are plenty of ways for you to use social networking to your advantage. “Over your entire career, if you put yourself out there online, brand yourself, and market your skills, that’s going to pay dividends,” says Dan Schawbel, Gen Y career expert and author of the forthcoming book Promote Yourself: The New Rules For Career Success. Just take it from these real women who rocked social networking:

Be a personal brand evangelist
“I had been doing a lot on Twitter and other social outlets to position myself as a PR expert—sharing industry articles, commenting/critiquing work, promoting events and client news, etc. Being a young professional, I’m very careful to make my personal brand a smart balance of fun/snarky and professional. Then, about four months ago, the owner of a PR and marketing agency connected with me on LinkedIn. I asked my new connection for a coffee meeting, and within a few weeks, I was their new PR account executive. I later found out that the owner had become familiar with my work via Twitter and local social media meet-ups.”
–Kate Bachman, Portland, ME

What she did right: Bachman worked hard to brand herself, network, and get noticed. “What it comes down to is becoming top of mind for certain positions,” says Schawbel. “So when people have an open position and they’re thinking about who to hire, they come to you, because they’re familiar with you based on the online brand that you’ve cultivated, what you share, and how you’re positioned.”

Put yourself out there
“I posted a basic, fact-filled Facebook status update about (1) being unemployed and (2) needing a job. A friend of mine commented on that post, and within minutes I had a message in my inbox from someone he knew saying that she had seen my post, she had a job, and might I be interested? Might I?! I sent her my résumé, we met, and I got hired within a week.”
–Molly English-Bowers, Syracuse, NY

What she did right: She got her (job) status out. “Visibility creates opportunities,” says Schawbel. “If people don’t know that you’re searching for a job, then they don’t know to help you. And even if your friends can’t help, their friends might be able to.” One note here: If you currently have a job, stick to private messages.

Network via social network
“I was working in retail but desperately trying to get out from behind a register. A promising entrepreneur I followed on Facebook said she was looking for organizers for her professional organizing company. I promptly sent her my résumé. I began freelancing for her, and when she had a permanent opening for a personal assistant, she thought of me first.”
–Joy Molfetto, Queens, NY

What she did right: She paid attention to a person she admired professionally on social media. “By following the right people, you’ll see opportunities you wouldn’t have found anywhere else on the web,” says Schawbel. “This is an example of someone making connections and not just sitting back and waiting for opportunities to come to them.”

photo: iStockphoto/Thinkstock

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5 Social Media Mistakes That Mess With Your Career

Posted on March 28, 2013 by admin

One wrong tweet, and you could lose more than just a few followers—you could lose your job. Earlier this month, two developers were fired after one of them took to Twitter to complain about sexist jokes that the other had made at a tech conference. The male developer was fired because of his comments, and the female developer appeared to be laid off due to the harsh backlash she and her company received in response to her Tweets.

Whether these employees should have been let go is debatable, but the incident is a good reminder that companies are keeping tabs on what you post online—and they can punish you for it. “Social media is not trivial anymore,” says Miriam Salpeter, author of Social Networking for Career Success. “We have to realize that even though something may seem like a throwaway comment, people are listening.”

So how can you make sure that your social networking habits aren’t screwing with your career? Start by avoiding these major mistakes:

Mistake #1: You don’t know your company’s policy
More businesses are adding social media stipulations to their employee handbooks, says Mike Haberman, human resources consultant for Omega HR Solutions. So now might be a good time to actually read all that paperwork you received when you were hired. Even if your employee handbook doesn’t specify that you could be terminated for a rogue Facebook post, that doesn’t mean you’re off the hook. Companies will often find a way to fire someone if they feel it’s necessary, says Salpeter. Most workers are employees at will, which means they can be fired at any time, for any reason, she says. So it’s crucial to know what might get you in trouble before you do it. If that’s not outlined in the handbook, schedule a meeting with HR ASAP to find out what the policy is.

Mistake #2: You stir up controversy
Advertising your political or religious beliefs on Facebook and Twitter is practically the norm these days, but these types of posts can backfire at work, warns Salpeter. After all, if something seems offensive to your HR department, it could result in a reprimand or even a termination. And it’s not just the usual hot-button topics you have to worry about. Even something that you don’t automatically view as controversial—like following Chris Brown on Twitter or posting about sexual health rights—can affect someone’s perception of you. And when that person has the power to fire you, you definitely don’t want to come off as offensive to them.

Mistake #3: You’re overly negative online
You wouldn’t go around the office ranting and complaining all day, so don’t do it online, either. HR may see a string of rude or angry comments as a red flag—whether they’re work-related or not. “You’re demonstrating your temperament and your attitude,” says Salpeter. So keep the hate-tweets and humblebrags to a minimum, especially when you’re applying for a job.

Mistake #4: You accept your boss’ friend request without a second thought
While it’s generally not a good idea to seek out your boss on Facebook, it can be tricky if your boss friends you. If you haven’t yet found yourself in this position, you can change the settings on your profile to make it completely unsearchable and explain to your coworkers that you’re just not a Facebook person. But if a colleague’s friend request is already pending, the best you can do is clean up your profile, accept their request, and be hyper-vigilant about what you post in the future. To be on the safe side, consider everything you post online to be public, even if you’ve set up tons of privacy settings.

Mistake #5: You treat all social-networking sites the same
If you’re trying to maintain a strong personal brand, you need to be active on a variety of social media sites—but not all of them have to be associated with your work life. If your tweets and Instagram posts tend to be frivolous, that’s OK—just don’t list your job or company in your bio, says Haberman. You should, however, focus on beefing up your LinkedIn with professional contacts. You may also want to customize the URL so that it ends with your full name (just go into your profile settings—it’s free and easy to do). That way, your LinkedIn will be one of the first things people see when they Google you.
The key: using good judgment when you decide what you want to post and where is the most appropriate place to post it. “What’s more important to an employer than someone who knows how to exercise good judgment?” says Salpeter.

photo: iStockPhoto/Thinkstock

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