Have you ever gotten out of speeding ticket with a couple bats of your eyelashes and a smile? If yes, you can thank your “feminine charm.”
New research published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that using “feminine charm”—an impression management technique that combines friendliness and flirtation—could help women get what they want. But take note: It only works when used on men.
“It’s an effective tool for women to use when they need to be assertive but also want to be liked,” study author Laura Kray, PhD, professor at the Haas School of Business at the University of California, Berkeley. For starters, it helps you give off an air of confidence, which is a proven benefit when making negotiations. Also, slight flirtation is viewed as welcoming and friendly by heterosexual men, making them more likely to want to make you happy, explains Kray.
To conduct their research, study authors sent two women of equal attractiveness car shopping. One they instructed to be playful: She greeted the seller by smiling warmly, looking the seller up and down, touching the seller’s arm, and incorporating a playful wink as she asked, “What’s your best price?”
In contrast, the other woman was told to act serious. She shook hands when she met the seller, said, “It’s a pleasure to meet you,” and then asked, “What’s your best price?” in a serious tone. The outcome: Male sellers gave the playful woman more than $ 100 off the selling price. The woman who used the more serious approach ended up spending about 20% more, according to Kray.
To use your own feminine charms to your benefit, follow these guidelines as outlined in the study:
Be animated in your body movements. When entering someone’s office—or wherever your negotiations might take place—take off your coat and make yourself at home by sitting down. This sequence—as outlined in the study—establishes a friendly playing field. For a stronger connection, which will ultimately help you get what you want, try touching his arm and subtly slipping him a playful wink.
Make frequent eye contact. Notice this doesn’t say “constant” eye contact. In the study, participants who were too aggressive—i.e. staring their male counterparts down—came off in a negative way. While it’s important to establish eye contact, it’s just as important to look away every couple of seconds—giving your negotiating partner a little space.
Smile and laugh. Whether you’re aiming to charm or not, ditch the poker face. In the study, even participants not using feminine charm were told to smile. It’s friendly and polite.
Be playful and give compliments in as sincere a fashion as possible. (Note: this one works best when done subtly.) Let your organically nice thoughts out. For example, in the study scenario, the participant using feminine charm told the car dealer, “You’re even more charming in person than over email.” Sprinkle character compliments like this throughout your negotiations.
That said, before you start charming everyone from your boss to your dog walker, know that this method works best “in situations in which two parties have competing interests,” Fray says. These types of scenarios involve both a concern for oneself (a competitive motive) and a concern for your negotiating counterpart (a cooperative motive), according to the study. Feminine charm helps balance these motives to reach mutually beneficial trade-offs, and to create and maintain positive relationships.
Scenario examples include: car purchases (as outlined above), real estate transactions, employment contracts, etc. And remember: This only works on men.
Got that? Great. Now get out there, and turn on the charm, ladies!
More from WH:
Work On Your Bargaining Skills
First Lady Michelle Obama: The Importance of Confidence
How to Negotiate a Raise or Discount
Look Better Naked: Buy the book to learn how to look (and feel!) your very best.