Just how far would you go to nix insecurities about your looks? One body-image expert decided to avoid looking at her reflection for an entire year—and then chronicled the experience in a new memoir, Mirror, Mirror Off the Wall.
Kjerstin Gruys, who’s currently pursuing her PhD in sociology at the University of California, Los Angeles (with a focus on appearance and social inequalities, no less) realized she had a problem when, in the months leading up to her wedding in 2011, she started coming down with a crippling fixation on her appearance.
“It was right after I found my wedding dress that I started really obsessing over my body, to the point that it started affecting my sense of self-worth,” says Gruys. Having battled an eating disorder in high school, she recognized that dangerous territory and knew something had to give. “I thought to myself, ‘My purpose in life isn’t to nitpick my appearance all day—so what am I doing? If I removed all the mirrors from my life, I’d remove that temptation and could focus on things that actually matter.’”
And so her ban on mirrors began. The rules were simple: No checking herself out in mirrors, photographs, or reflective surfaces of any kind for an entire year. Not even on her wedding day.
“I basically had to relearn how to live life,” says Gruys. “You don’t think about it, but your reflection is everywhere. I had to learn how to get ready without seeing myself and to look away when I came across bathroom mirrors and store windows, for example.”
But during that year, Gruys describes feeling a sense of relief—even in the midst of wedding planning. “I had this calm, relaxed feeling of balance,” she says. “I knew my friends wouldn’t let me walk around with broccoli in my teeth, so I didn’t really have to think about my appearance at all. I was free to actually enjoy my wedding, live my life, and focus on my goals.”
And when the moment came to see her reflection for the first time in a year? “My friends and family covered a mirror with sticky notes that said all these positive things about me,” says Gruys. “As I peeled them off, I didn’t notice my body hang-ups. I saw color—rosy cheeks, white teeth, yellow hair—then I saw everyone sharing the moment with me, which was an incredible reminder of what really matters.”
A body-image expert herself, Gruys’ story proves that confidence crashes can happen to anyone—but with the right approach, you can squash them before they get out of hand. Next time you’re tempted to nitpick, Gruys suggests a few go-to moves:
Redefine the way you see your body
Make a list of your favorite and least favorite assets, and then assign each a positive adjective or description, suggests Gruys. For example, instead of looking down and just seeing hips, think of yours as sexy, swinging hips. “This exercise helps you see the body part’s function and value, even if it’s not your favorite,” she says
Make a weekend (naturally) mirror-free
A yearlong ban on checking out your reflection is pretty hardcore—but you can reap similar benefits by experimenting on a smaller scale, like by taking an au naturale camping trip with friends. “You know you won’t stumble upon a mirror out there, so you can feel that peace without stressing over avoiding your reflection,” says Gruys.
Set boundaries
If insecurities have you obsessing over a desire to lose a few pounds here or tone up there, you might find it difficult to abandon your fixation altogether—but you can at least establish some limits for it. “I’m a calorie counter, so I give myself license to crunch numbers when I’m in the grocery store, but not again once I’ve brought my food home,” says Gruys. “That way, I know I’m eating healthfully without having to dwell on the specifics every day.”
Make your pad a safe zone
Identify your mojo-busting triggers and remove them from your life, whether that means tossing those “skinny” jeans you haven’t worn in years or ditching junk food you can’t trust yourself around. “I’ve found that the key to having self control is purposefully arranging your environment so you don’t have to use it as often,” says Gruys. “There’s no sense in battling it every day for no reason.”
More from Women’s Health:
6 Ways to Boost Your Body Confidence
The Annoying Habit You Need to Break
“What I Love About My Body”