Mika Brzezinski, co-host of the weekday morning talk show Morning Joe, may look like one of the last people you’d ever expect to stuff her face with Big Macs (yes, plural) or eat an entire large pizza in one sitting. But as it turns out, Brzezinski has suffered from disordered eating—bingeing, then running excessively to burn off the calories—for decades. In her her new book, Obsessed: America’s Food Addiction—and My Own, Brzezinski confronts her eating issues, as well as the obesity epidemic facing the entire country.
“I have literally spent years of my life obsessing over food, chasing after food, gobbling down food—and then punishing myself for eating too much and trying to erase the effects,” she writes in the introduction. The issue only got worse when Brzezinski was told she’d have to lose weight to get a new job that she was eventually passed over for.
Brzezinski spoke with Women’s Health about her struggles with food, along with why she chose to speak publicly about them after all these years. The following is an edited version of a longer conversation:
Why did you decide to write this book?
It’s something I’ve been sort of hiding from myself to an extent—and definitely from others—for a long time, just sort of the inner struggle to find that right balance in that relationship with food. And I also then was inspired by a conversation I had with a friend named Diane who was suffering from obesity. I was stunned at how long it had taken for she and I to have this conversation about our relationships with food and our body image since we had shared just about everything two friends could share. I thought it was fascinating that this conversation was so different, and it was really the clincher to take a leap and bare all.
When you say you’d been hiding your food issues from yourself, what do you mean by that exactly?
I think we’re all a little—especially people who believe they have food issues—we’re all a little dishonest with ourselves about exactly what it is wer’e eating, when we’re eating it, how much we’re eating. And I think the reality can become really skewed when you let the external pressures in society and in life get in your head, as well. It can become a jumbled mess, as I was, and I have to tell you that writing the book has been extremely therapeutic because I sort of called myself out and said, “Stop it—enough!” And I finally think I’ve kind of passed through a barrier in my life that I’ve never been able to overcome. And that’s sort of just relaxing and understanding what I need to eat, when I need to eat it, and understanding that if you veer off a bit it’s OK.
One of your suggestions is that we need to stop worrying about being so politically correct and start calling overweight people “the F-word”—fat—to help solve the obesity crisis. Why do you think this needs to be part of the solution?
When I look at how hard it was for me to talk to my friend about this, I think it’s because we’re dancing around words and we’re missing the opportunity to speak the truth about our health and about the people that we love. If your friend had cancer or a broken leg, I think you’d be there to support her. I don’t understand why obesity, being overweight, or the word fat is somehow taboo. Because if we’re not saying it we’re probably thinking it. I think we need to straighten everything out a little bit and do what’s best for the people we love. That means speaking to them to their face honestly and supportively, as opposed to judging them behind their backs.
When did you first realize you had an unhealthy relationship with food?
I’ve known it for years. I think that I knew it in my 20s, when I was really bingeing and purging and running in these extreme forms. I kind of dialed back when I had kids because I had to. As I got older and got into this job and really started studying the issue, I realized I had a real problem and I wanted to write about it and learn about it more. So it’s been a process, and writing this book made me realize actually how very sick I was a long time ago. There’s part of me that wishes I was dragged off to a hospital and sort of set straight like a friend of mine was because it would have saved me a lot of years of bad living and bad health.
When was a friend of yours hospitalized for her eating issues?
It happened in college, and I remember thinking when she was taken off to the hospital, “I’m smarter than that. I’m glad no one can catch what I’m doing. I would never let things get so out of control.” It’s funny, I kind of thought, “Huh—how could she let that happen?” I look back and wish someone had shaken me and given me a wakeup call. I was always just right under the radar with this just enough to hide it. I picture myself in my 20s: My face is bloated, my skin is pale, my hair was thin. I didn’t look good, and I wasn’t healthy. It was all because of how I was feeding or not feeding myself.
What has it been like to put yourself and your own dysfunctional eating habits on display through this book?
It’s been hard, actually. I have to say I’ve woken up every morning since this book came out cringing a little bit and embarrassed. But it’s also been a real connective point for people. I go to book events where everyone stands up and tells their stories. They’re amazing stories, so I know I’ve touched a nerve. Every day, I have to tell you, I feel very responsible to live healthy now. I don’t just want to because it’s the right thing to do and I’ve been trying to get around it somehow, doing something sneaky. I actually eat food, and I eat a lot of it sometimes. And when I set out to go running, I don’t feel like I’ve only had a good day if I’ve run eight miles or 10 miles.
You’ve publicly shared that you’ve had unhealthy eating episodes as recently as a few months ago, eating Nutella with your bare hands. Where do you feel like you’re at right now in terms of overcoming your eating issues?
In the book, I actually go as far as making the link to addiction with these ingredients they put in food. I talk to doctors and experts about how the science that’s out there points to how sugars, fats, and salts can have this addictive quality. I really don’t think when you’re an addict that you’re ever really “done,” which is why when I was writing the book, I did fall off the wagon a few times. And I guess I expect to again. There are certain things I know I need to stay away from. I think I’m a lot better than I ever was and ever expected to be, but it will be a constant push-pull in my brain. The goal is to think less about it every day, and that certainly is happening.
What finally made you decide that you needed to confront your problems with food?
It was actually that conversation on the boat with my friend Diane, talking to her about obesity. I really felt like, first of all, I completely understood her struggle. The disconnect between us was painful. We really had so much in common, and she didn’t think I had anything in common with her when really we had everything in common except for our physical size. We were going through a lot of the same issues. I thought, “If I’m going to be talking on this major platform of Morning Joe about the obesity crisis and the health of the food we’re eating and providing our children, if I’m going to be making judgments, I need people to know where I’m coming from with this.” And one of the reasons I’m so strong and pointed is because of my story. I bought in and I got addicted to salt, sugar, and fat and to the high amount that they put in foods, especially in restaurants and at fast-food joints.
I really feel like because I’m sharing my story and my struggles, it’s not me sitting on my high horse saying, “Don’t you eat that” to people with weight problems. I actually understand the urge and the temptation. I worked hard and have now written hard, raw stories about trying to change that behavior, and I think it does help my ability to communicate if people know exactly where I’m coming from.
When doing research for this book, you spoke with a lot of people who have also had an unhealthy relationship with food. Whose story impacted you the most?
[Anchor and editor] Gayle King has hysterical stories in the book. There are a lot of different stories—it’s great, the variety of this book and hearing from different perspectives. [New Jersey Governor] Chris Christie, I didn’t expect our interview to be so emotional and break my heart, and it did. [Actress] Kathleen Turner—wow, her sort of freeing herself of the tyranny of trying to look like Kathleen Turner was really an inspiration, I have to tell you. And the interview actually turned around halfway through when she was talking about the tyranny of trying to look like a movie star when your body starts telling you it can’t anymore. And I started agreeing with her because I said, “That’s how I feel right now,” and she started asking me about my eating habits. By the end of the interview, she said, “You have a very bad life,” and I hung up the phone and thought, “How is that possible? Why am I so hungry all the time? Why am I always physically punishing myself [with excessive exercise]?” She’s right, it’s a tyranny. It really was a turning point for me where I thought, “Do I really have to do this anymore?”
thumbnail photo: MSNBC/Nathan Congleton
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The Scary Rise in Adult Eating Disorders
Binge Eating? Over-Snacking? Fix Your Food Slip-Ups
Your Body On: Overeating at a Holiday Feast