Finally, an excuse to DECLINE all those friend requests on Facebook. Turns out the more Facebook friends you have, the more stress you feel, according to a report from the University of Endiburgh Business School.”
Researchers surveyed 300 people about their Facebook friendships and their levels of stress and anxiety. They found that most people had an average of seven different social circles on Facebook, including friends known online, extended family, friends of friends, and colleagues. The people with more friends, and a greater variety of friends, reported feeling more stressed. Also, adding employers and parents as friends was correlated with an increase in stress, as well.
Why the anxiety? For starters, Facebook forces you to interact with a diverse range of audiences: peers, colleagues, and family. And with more friends comes more potential for social weirdness, says Irene S. Levine, Ph. D., author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Break-up with Your Best Friend.
“In real life, you might not invite all three groups to the same cocktail party or dinner, because it could be awkward,” she says. “It’s not surprising that something similar would happen online—if everyone is seeing the same posts, there are no social filters.” For instance, you feel totally comfortable sharing pics of a wild bachelorette party with your closest girlfriends, but would rather that Bob from accounting not get a peek at the shenanigans. And yes, you can set certain posts to private, or so that only some people can see—but sometimes it’s hard to keep track of who’s on what list.
Another possible reason for this friend-related anxiety: Spreading yourself too thin between too many friends can cause your relationships to weaken, says Shasta Nelson, CEO of GirlFriendCircles.com, and author of Friendships Don’t Just Happen! The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of Girlfriends.
“Women who try to maintain friendships with too many people are at risk of multiplying the stressors of friendships—inviting, scheduling, emails, remembering events and dates—without really getting the most important benefits of friendship—intimacy, vulnerability, forgiveness, honesty, feeling seen, and being supported,” she says.
As a result, the more social you are, the more isolated you may feel, says Nelson. “People who are social bees have a big social group but still struggle with loneliness because they haven’t fostered deep friendships,” she says. The healthiest people have a wide circle of casual friends, but small circle of three to seven close friends, she explains.
Want to build those inner circle bonds? Follow Nelson’s guidelines:
Pinpoint 3 Pals
Nelson recommends identifying three friends you want to get to know better, and prioritizing those interactions. Then focus your time on getting to know those people more intimately—set up dinner plans, be proactive in inviting them to fun events, respond to their emails before everyone else’s—instead of trying to move forward your relationships with everyone you know.
Gather Up a Group
Meeting in a small group, like for a girl’s night out or a recurring monthly book club, can help you save time and alleviate stress by helping you build several relationships at once, says Nelson.
Set a Schedule
Plan your play dates as consistently as possible, like scheduling a brunch the first Sunday of every month. Having a pre-planned meeting allows you to enjoy the fun part of the friendship without the stress of planning the outing or coordinating multiple peoples’, says Nelson. Consider setting up a Google calendar invite that automatically populates your friends’ calendars, so it’s not something anyone has to think about more than once.
Image: Goodshoot/Thinkstock
More from WH:
6 Ways to Strengthen Your Friendships
What to Do When You Lose Your BFF
Can You Have Platonic Guy Friends?
http://blog.womenshealthmag.com/thisjustin/just-friends/