Tag Archives: Baby

5 Ways a Baby Messes with Your Relationship

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Having a child is right up there with your wedding and the honeymoon as one of the best times of your relationship…right? Right? Uh…maybe not so much. Sixty-seven percent of couples see their marital satisfaction plummet within one year post-baby, according a study published in the Journal of Family Psychology. Between lack of sleep, wacky hormones, and the stress of figuring out how to change a diaper or calm a crying kid—on top of the effort required to maintain a happy, healthy relationship, whether or not you have an infant to worry about—it’s no wonder people go through a rough spell.

Now, new research has pinpointed the top source of first-time parents’ gripes: how parents handle the different tasks related to raising a child. “For moms, their main happiness determinant is whether they’re satisfied with the division of labor of caretaking activities,” says study author Kari Adamsons, PhD, assistant professor of human development and family studies at the University of Connecticut. For dads, having a clearly defined role in child-rearing is key to marriage satisfaction. Find out which relationship issues crop up most often for new moms and pops—and how to make sure they don’t wreck your bond:

The problem: You feel like he’s not pulling his weight in child-rearing–and, by association, your relationship.
The solution: You don’t need to strive for a perfect 50-50 split of duties—many moms don’t even necessarily want that, says Adamsons. What matters is that you’re on the same page with your partner about which tasks you’ll each be handling. “Communication is key,” she says, “and you have to start talking before the baby is born.” Discuss who’s going to change the diapers at night, whether or not you’ll return to work full-time, if your hubby will take over baby duties when he gets home so you can have a break, whether you’ll use a bottle so he can do some of the feedings, who will handle things like bathing and putting the baby to bed, etc. You can always re-evaluate your roles after the little one’s born, but starting the conversation early on is smart so you know where the other person stands and you aren’t caught off guard later. And as Adamsons’ research found, fathers in particular respond well to having their duties clearly defined.

The problem: He feels picked on.
The solution: When your partner takes on baby-related jobs (yay!), resist the urge to let him know if he’s off the mark. “One reason men don’t participate more in caretaking is that women tend to micromanage,” says Carolyn Pirak, LCSW, founding director of the Bringing Baby Home program at The Gottman Institute. But when you criticize the way someone performs a task, they’re likely to stop doing it altogether. It may make you cringe to see him put the diaper on backward or use the wrong onesie, but as long as he’s not doing anything that could harm the baby, it’s better to step back and let him figure it out on his own.

The problem: Sex takes a nosedive.
The solution: One thing you should know: It’s (unfortunately)  normal for your sex drive to dip after you have a baby. “It generally takes at least six weeks for your body to recover and be ready for intimacy,” says Pirak. Hormonal changes in your body can also make you averse to sex for—yikes—up to a year (it’s your body’s way of preventing you from getting pregnant again too soon). Understanding and anticipating these shifts ahead of time makes the dry spell easier to deal with. That said, physical intimacy is of course key to a healthy relationship. Beyond working out any unequal divisions of labor (which kills the mood for many women), try focusing on nonsexual but still romantic actions, says Pirak. “Does he hold your hand? Do you tell him he looks nice?” she says. Focus on those sweet things you used to do in the early stages of dating, and desire should follow.

The problem: You have zero couple time.
The solution: You don’t have to make reservations at a Michelin-starred restaurant to reap the benefits of spending time together sans infant. You can keep it casual—breakfast, a walk, a glass of wine on your patio before dinner while la bebe is sleeping, even running errands together. There are only two rules: Don’t talk about the kid (well okay, you can debrief for a couple minutes right at the beginning), and group hang-outs don’t count. This is clutch for giving you and your partner time to connect so you can stay in sync, says Pirak.

The problem: Your parenting philosophies clash, so you start to question your partner’s core values.
The solution: He rushes in the room every time the baby makes a peep; you want to let her cry it out. He thinks it’s no big deal for kids to play with iPads; you’re anti-gadgets. Parenting is full of hot-button topics, so when a disagreement comes up, have a discussion where you both voice your opinions. “Try out each person’s technique for two days, see how it goes, and then reevaluate,” suggests Pirak. When you test things out, it’s quickly becomes apparent that it doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing; often you’ll realize there’s some value in the other person’s opinion and the solution will involve some sort of compromise, says Pirak.

No matter what difficulties parenthood throws at your relationship, remember to set a peaceful tone and express appreciation and admiration for your partner (like telling your man how great he is at comforting the baby or sending him a quick thank-you email for filling the gas tank). Also: Don’t forget to focus on the good stuff. “Babies are hard work, and many couples tend to dwell on the negative aspects,” says Pirak. You can be honest about your frustrations with your hubby, but how upset would you be if you let them overshadow the awesome parts of parenthood?

photo: LifeSize/Thinkstock

More From Women’s Health:
Early Pregnancy Symptoms That Suck
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Why Breastfeeding Is Best

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Does Your Guy Have Baby Fever?

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Men get a reputation for being baby-averse, but they may be more eager to have kids than you realize. In fact, childless men feel more depressed, sad, angry, and jealous of friends with kids than their female counterparts, according to a new survey conducted by Keele University in the UK.

The surveyors asked 108 childless adults (27 men and 81 women) how they feel about being kid-free. Fewer men than women said they want children (59 percent versus 63 percent). But of the guys who do want kids, half said they felt isolated and 36 percent reported feeling depressed. That’s not all: 56 percent said they were sad, and the same amount said they were jealous of dads. Fewer women who wanted children reported feeling the same way: 27 percent felt isolated, 27 percent were depressed, 43 percent were sad, and 47 percent felt jealous of others with kids.

Men tend to struggle with expressing emotion and often feel judged when they do, says study author Robin Hadley, a PhD candidate at the Centre for Social Gerontology at Keele University. The result: They may bottle up their feelings about fatherhood, which can make their emotions even more intense, she says.

Granted, this survey was pretty small—and conducted in the UK. So we asked Men’s Health Facebook followers to weigh in on the topic. The subject clearly touched a nerve—we got more than 200 responses. The overwhelming majority of men said they are content being childless for now as long as they have kids eventually (i.e., when they find the right woman and/or make enough money). But don’t take our word for it—here’s what the guys had to say:

Want to gauge your guy’s feelings about fatherhood? He probably won’t tear up at the sight of a stroller, says Joyce Marter, a licensed psychotherapist and CEO of Urban Balance, a Chicago-based counseling practice that’s offered pre-baby counseling since 2004. But if he talks a lot about his male friends with families, wanting to advance his career, or wanting to move into a bigger house, he could be suffering from the no-baby blues, says Marter. These symptoms are common among men who are anxious to have kids, she says.

Of course, you could just ask your guy directly about his paternal urges. Just make sure you do it at the right time—and in the right way, says Marter. While the baby question isn’t exactly first date material, it’s smart to see if your dude’s parenthood plans are in line with yours before you commit to an exclusive relationship. But to prevent a potential freak out, don’t ask him to father the two boys and two girls you see in your future. Instead, just ask, “Do you see yourself having a family down the road?” This casual, non-threatening approach will help you assess whether your parenting aspirations are in line with his. And if the response to our Facebook prompt is any indication, you can expect him to be pretty straightforward about his feelings on the topic.

photo: iStockphoto/Thinkstock

More from WH:
5 Signs He’ll Be a Great Father
When You Aren’t Sure You Want Kids
What You Should Know About Pregnancy

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Will Your Baby Be Addicted to Junk Food?

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Has your baby bump become a holding tank for chips and chocolate bars? Back away from the snack food aisle. New research published in The FASEB Journal shows that women who chow down on junk food while pregnant give birth to junk food junkies.

Junk food stimulates the production of opioids in the body (the same opioids found in morphine and heroin), which can cross through the placenta and breast milk from mom to fetus. To investigate how exposure to these junk food-induced opioids during fetal development affect babies’ food habits, Australian researchers studied the pups of two groups of rats. During pregnancy and lactation, one group of moms had eaten normal critter food while the other ate a range of human junk foods including chocolate biscuits and potato chips.

Once the pups were weaned, the researchers injected them with an opioid receptor blocker to prevent the junk foods from stimulating the release of dopamine in their bodies. By curbing the junk foods’ feel-good effect, blocking opioid signaling lowers fat and sugar consumption.

Researchers found that the opioid receptor blocker was less effective at reducing fat and sugar intake in the pups of the junk-food-feeding mothers. Their mothers’ cruddy diet during pregnancy caused reduced sensitivity in the babies’ opioid signaling pathway. In turn, these babies, born with a higher tolerance to junk food, needed to eat more of it to achieve a junk-food high.

“In the same way that someone addicted to drugs has to consume more of the drug over time to achieve the same high, continually producing excess opioids by eating too much junk food also results in the need to consume more junk food to get the same pleasurable sensation,” says researcher Beverly Muhlhausler, Ph.D., from the FOODplus Research Centre at the School of Agriculture Food and Wine at The University of Adelaide in Australia.

A healthy diet during pregnancy and breastfeeding can give your child a healthy start, Muhlhausler says. Previous studies have shown that eating specific foods during pregnancy and breastfeeding can result in the child preferring those foods later in life. And a baby’s pre-birth nutrition can either prevent—or cause—chronic health conditions.

“When you’re pregnant, your baby is fondly called a ‘glucose sink,’” says Cassandra Forsythe Ph.D., RD, nutritionist specializing in pregnancy and postpartum nutrition and author of the Women’s Health Perfect Body Diet. “Whenever you eat sugary foods (think junk foods here), all the sugar sinks right into the baby, making them more insulin resistant, more likely to crave junk foods and more likely to struggle with their body weight, not to mention more likely to develop glucose disorders like diabetes.”

A poor diet during pregnancy increases the child’s risk of obesity, high blood pressure, cardiovascular disease, autism, and attention deficit disorder, according to Victoria Maizes, MD, executive director of the University of Arizona Center for Integrative Medicine author of Be Fruitful: The Essential Guide to Maximizing Fertility and Giving Birth to a Healthy Child. And adequate micronutrients, especially B vitamins, during fetal development reduce the risk of neural tube, cardiac, or other birth defects, she says.

Up to 90 percent of pregnant women report food cravings, and sweets are at the top of their list, according to Maizes. “To help manage cravings, consider giving in—but just to a small amount. A square of dark chocolate, a little scoop of ice cream, or a small piece of cake can satisfy the craving without destroying a healthy diet.” She suggests buying a single 2-ounce ice cream container when you are in need of sweet treat. (Don’t keep them in the house or they will disappear like crazy!) Also eat small, healthy meals throughout the day to help maintain healthy blood sugar levels, she says. That way you won’t raid the kitchen—or the Kwik-E-Mart—when that glucose sink of yours runs dry.

photo: Dmitry Melnikov/Shutterstock

 
More from WH:
Can You Be Addicted to Pregnancy?
How to Have a Healthy Pregnancy
Advice for Getting Pregnant

To find out how to suppress your hunger hormone, buy The Belly Fat Fix now!

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Can Breast-Feeding Help You Lose Baby Weight?

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The conversation surrounding breast-feeding versus bottle-feeding usually pegs health benefits against convenience. A less common talking point? The reported pound-shedding effect of nursing your baby.

Model Alessandra Ambrosio, who had her second child in May, told US Weekly that she attributes her postpartum slim-down to Pilates, spinning, surfing, and…breast-feeding.

Then there’s celebrity trainer Tracy Anderson, who had her second child four months ago and whose clients include lithe mamas Gwyneth Paltrow and Christy Turlington. Anderson recently told the Huffington Post that, when it comes to dropping baby weight, “My number one thing is that I’m a big breastfeeding advocate.” Of course, Anderson also advocates working out once your doctor gives you the green light.

So is breast-feeding the sure-fire way to fit back into your regular clothes? Yes and no. Research does support that breast-feeding can help new moms lose weight, says Tanya Zuckerbrot, M.S., R.D., author of The F-Factor Diet. But it’s not the only way to slim down—we’ll get to that in a minute. First, here’s a science primer.

Why Breast Feeding Can Make You Slimmer
“As far as a caloric burn, it is true that breast-feeding moms do burn 300-500 calories a day,” Zuckerbrot says. But your body requires energy (read: calories) to create breast milk, she says, so doctors typically recommend women eat a few hundred extra calories a day. If a breast-feeding woman loses weight rapidly, it’s usually because she’s not taking in any extra calories.

But Zuckerbrot says that nursing isn’t the golden ticket to a pre-baby body. “A lot of women say it helps with a lot of the weight up front, but the last 10 pounds, if you’re breast-feeding, are very hard to lose.”

The Weight-Gain Equation
What else will help you can help new moms slim down? Not gaining too much weight during pregnancy. Doctors recommend gaining only 25 to 30 pounds, she says, and after childbirth, moms will lose 15 pounds (the weight of the baby, placenta, blood, and fluids).

“It’s understandable for women who only gain those 25 pounds to be back in their skinny jeans two months later because you can lose 10 pounds in two months, whether you’re breast-feeding or not,” Zuckerbrot says.

It’s a lot harder to lose baby weight when women use pregnancy as an opportunity to think that they can eat whatever they want, she says. For instance, if an expectant mom gains 50 or 60 pounds, she’ll have 35 to 45 pounds to lose after childbirth. That’s a tall order—and a poor health choice.

“That weight was not beneficial to a healthy pregnancy,” Zuckerbrot says. “If anything, gaining too much weight could put you at risk for gestational diabetes, an extra large baby—which can lead to complications during delivery—and preeclampsia.”

The New Mommy Eating Plan
Whether you choose to feed your baby by breast or bottle, chances are that you’ll be desperate for energy and maybe you’ll be looking to drop some extra weight. The R.D.’s RX? A high-fiber, high-protein diet.

By combining those two nutrients in every meal, you’ll be using food to stabilize your blood sugar, which will also help stabilize your mood and give you consistent energy throughout the day, she says.

Protein is essential to satiety, plus it will ensure that if you’re losing weight, you’re not losing muscle mass to boot. Since fiber is indigestible, it adds bulk to foods but has no calories. So you can eat a lot of food (specifically, nutrient-rich foods like fruits, vegetables, and whole grains) and feel full without taking in a lot of calories.  “If you’re feeling fuller longer, you’re doing less unnecessary snacking between meals and less overeating at the next meal,” Zuckerbrot says.

A note on water: Drinking plenty of water will also help you feel full, and it can help sidestep G.I. issues that might arise with eating a lot of fiber. Plus, breast milk is 50 percent water, so nursing moms need to make sure they’re not getting dehydrated.

Zuckerbrot provided these high-protein, high-fiber meal ideas. Enjoy!

Breakfast
• Parfait: Greek yogurt, high-fiber cereal (look for at least 8g of fiber per serving), cup of berries. (raspberries have 8g of fiber per cup, blueberries have 5)
• Omelet: Egg white omelet filled with your favorite veggies, topped with a little low-fat cheese, served with high-fiber English muffin, whole wheat toast, or high-fiber wrap

Lunch
• Soup: lentil soup with a whole-wheat roll, split pea soup with high-fiber crackers
• Sandwich: Whole grain bread with any lean protein (tuna salad, turkey, roast beef, grilled chicken, tofu)
• Salad: lettuce and vegetables with grilled shrimp, grilled chicken, or canned tuna

Snack (200 calories or less)
• 1 ounce of pistachios and an apple
• Yogurt parfait, if you didn’t eat it for breakfast
• Whole-wheat pita with tomato sauce and low-fat mozzarella
• Toast or crackers with peanut butter and sliced banana
• Pear with almond butter
• Cottage cheese with almonds and fruit
• Smoothie with tofu or yogurt, frozen berries, protein powder, ice

Dinner
Zuckerbrot recommends protein and vegetables—no carbs. “In the absence of carbohydrates is when your body burns fat for fuel,” she says, so shunning carbs at night will help with weight loss. “But for moms who are breast-feeding and the baby isn’t sleeping through the night, you might still want carbs at night so you have more energy.”

photo: Polka Dot/Thinkstock

 
More from WH:
Fiber: Your Secret Weight-Loss Weapon
Guide to Your Breasts
Self-Checks Every Woman Should Do

Look Better Naked: Buy the book to learn how to look (and feel!) your very best.
 
 
 
 

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