Take a break from your hectic schedule, stop running around like a crazy lady, look up from your iPhone, and you might realize something unexpected: You’re bored.
Surprised? That’s because the way we understand boredom is off-base, according to a new paper in the journal Perspectives on Psychological Science.
“We often think of boredom in terms of a lack of things to do,” says Mark Fenske, Ph.D., coauthor of the paper and professor at the University of Guelph. “The truth is, we also see boredom in over-stimulation—when you’ve got so much going on that you’re not able to focus on a single task.”
The researchers sought to define boredom, because once defined, it’s easier to battle. They arrived upon this: Boredom is “the state of wanting to, but failing to be engaged with a satisfying activity.”
The key, then, to ending the monotony: Change your circumstances so that you’re forcing yourself to feel more engaged—and excited about it.
Easier said than done, sure. That’s why we called upon some experts to weigh in on how you can kick yawn-worthy (or totally distracting) days to the curb and revamp your life from the bedroom to the office.
If you’re bored with your dating life…
Bored people are boring, says Tracey Steinberg dating and flirting expert. So instead of complaining about bad date No. 17, consider that you may not have wowed him either. Your fix: Ask yourself when the last time you tried something new was. Digging into your memory bank for the answer? You don’t need to move to a new city or spend thousands on a new wardrobe to spice things up. Instead, assume everyone and everything has an interesting story, Steinberg says. Investing energy in your environment opens more doors and makes you more interesting. And for cool ideas of new things to do on dates, check out the dating website HowAboutWe, which matches people up based on activities. Even if you’re not into online dating, HowAboutWe can suggest cool, off-the-beaten-path activities that you can try out when you date in real life.
If you’re bored with your relationship…
“Once you work hard to make a relationship work, fireworks can transition into stability, calmness, and safety,” says Steinberg. “And it’s easy to misconstrue safety for boredom.” But dumping guy after guy post-honeymoon phase makes you a serial dater—a commitment-phobe—and perhaps, ultimately lonely. The better solution: Add excitement into your day-to-day with surprises, says Steinberg. “Humans are the only species that excite by simply thinking about things,” she says. The thoughts evoked from a sexy text, or the anticipation that builds from planning a fun outing could go a long way in invigorating your relationship, whether it is 2 weeks old, or 10 years.
If you’re bored with your sex life…
Forget what’s going on down there and remember this: “The brain is your biggest sex organ,” says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., sex and relationships expert. “If you’re bored, think about the extent to which you’re relying solely on physical touch.” Then reawaken the mental and sensual sides of sex—fantasize, role-play, taste, smell, tell your guy how into him you are. Once you focus on the stimuli you’re taking in through your head and brain, sex will be livelier, he says. After all, it’s all about the context. (Still bored? Try one of these seven new ways to spice things up.)
If you’re bored by admin tasks at work…
No one enjoys the monotonous tasks that accompany basically every job in the book. But to keep yourself from going numb, Katy Tynan, author of Survive Your Promotion!, suggests buddying up. If you’re stuck stuffing envelopes for an upcoming event and your coworker’s labeling letters, find a small conference room and work together, she says. As long as the work doesn’t require tons of focus, chatting will make it go by faster.
If you’re bored by your workout…
You like to run—that’s fine. But if you’ve been doing the same workout for more than a month, make a change, says Amy Dixon, celebrity fitness trainer. Heading off to a new part of the city, doing a trail run, or incorporating hills will change your perspective and ensure that your body’s benefiting. After all, “if your workout doesn’t feel hard, it isn’t hard,” she says. Keep yourself honest by focusing on your intensity. If you find your mind wandering to what you’ll cook for dinner that night, add bouts of harder work, she says.
More from WH:
Boring Sex: Begone!
Shake Up Your Cardio Routine
Eat Boring Food, Get Skinny?
Master mouthwatering recipes that fill you up and slim you down with Cook Yourself Sexy, the ultimate guide to a hotter, healthier, and more confident you.