5 Things Men Say to Avoid Using Condoms

In this edition of disturbing male confessions, more than 80 percent of guys admit to having used at least one tactic to avoid using condoms during sex, according to a new survey published in the Journal of Sex Research. And even worse, men said they try three and a half different kinds of tactics over the course of their hookup history, on average. Definitely not OK.

For the study, researchers from the University of Washington polled more than 313 men between the ages of 21 and 30 on their sexual behaviors, including their histories with condom use and/or resistance to using condoms. “We wanted to uncover how common condom-resistance behaviors are among men and what kinds of coercive tactics are most frequently employed to persuade their partners,” says study author Kelly Cue Davis, PhD, research associate professor at the University of Washington. “Not only had most men attempted at least one tactic since the age of 14, most had also tried a number of tactics throughout their lifetimes.”

While condom coercion is scarily common, your options aren’t limited to throwing him out of bed or just having unprotected sex when you’re not OK with it. Stalling the foreplay to make sure he suits up may seem like a buzzkill, but if you or your partner aren’t monogamous or you’re relying on condoms as your primary form of birth control, using one tends to fall into the not-optional category. Otherwise, you’re putting yourself at higher risk for pregnancy and STDs. So what do you do if your guy’s lobbying to go without?

Ideally, you’d nip this all in the bud by laying out your protection policy ahead of time. That way when things get steamy later, he’ll already know how you feel and what to expect. “If you stand firm and lay out your rules for him, most guys will ultimately respect your decision,” says Belisa Vranich, PsyD, clinical psychologist and author of Boys Lie. “You just need to have an open conversation about it when the time is right.” But in case situations still, ahem, arise in the heat of the moment, Vranich offers these tips for how to handle the top lines men reported trying in the survey—without killing the mood.

His line: “Don’t worry, I’m clean.”
This is the most common tactic men try, according to the survey; 73.7 percent of guys think a self-reported clean bill of health is enough to convince you to ditch the rubber. “Men have a tendency to assume that if it looks normal, then everything’s OK,” says Vranich. “But STDs are often asymptomatic in men, so without being tested by a doctor, they may never know if there’s a problem.” Nothing kills the mood faster than dropping the S-bomb, so counter with quick, “Yeah, but there’s the whole pregnancy thing to worry about, too.” Then proceed to start opening the condom before he can argue with you.

His line: “You’re so sexy—I can’t wait. Let’s just do it.”
Most men (73.2 percent, to be exact) think that if they can sweet-talk you, then you’ll agree to some condom-free action. “This is one of the more dangerous tactics since it’s easy to be charmed in the heat of the moment when hormones are rushing,” says Vranich. “Eliminate temptation by making it as easy as possible to stick to your plan.” Stash a few rubbers in your purse or bedside table ahead of time, for example, for easy access. Having some at arm’s reach will help you stay strong if he suggests getting frisky without suiting up—plus, being able to whip one out in a matter of seconds trumps his “we don’t have time to waste” card.

His line: “It’ll feel so much better without.”
It’s the oldest line in the book—and 50.3 percent of guys report having tried it. But, spoiler alert: It may not always be true. According to a recent study in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, both women and men enjoy sex as much with condoms as they do without. “Women may actually find that they can climax more regularly with condoms, too, since it alleviates some anxiety about pregnancy and STDs,” says Vranich. There’s plenty of pleasure-enhancing condom varieties out there (think ribbed, ultra-thin and body heat-activated) that can feel like a second-skin, so snag some from your nearby pharmacy and tell your guy you want to try them out to see how they work—that way using a condom is actually part of the fun.

His line: “Can I not wear a condom?”
Interestingly enough, 40 percent of men admit to taking a more blunt approach, flat-out asking for permission to go commando. “He’s probably thinking that if he puts you on the spot, you’ll be more likely to just go with it,” says Vranich. Fire back a response that’s equally direct—simply say, “Nope. No condom, no dice. That’s the deal.” It’s not exactly pillow talk, but you have to be firm. Otherwise, he may interpret hesitation as uncertainty and think he has some wiggle room, says Vranich.

His line: “What, you don’t trust me?”
The emotional play is a jerk move—but according to the survey, more than 34 percent of men have tried it. “Some men may genuinely feel offended by your insisting upon using a condom, while others may use this as a means of manipulation,” says Vranich. “Just explain that is has nothing to do with him personally and it’s just your non-negotiable policy.”

Those are the biggies, but others tactics men tried included deception (for example, claiming they’d been tested for STDs when they really hadn’t) and condom sabotage (like agreeing to use a condom and intentionally breaking it when putting one on—yikes).  The bottom line: Whatever your policy on protection, you should be open with your partner about it and stick to your guns—no exceptions. “If your guy is still pushing for no condom after you’ve been upfront about your rules, it may be time to walk away,” says Vranich. “Safe sex is something you need to be on the same page about—no exceptions.”

photo: Ingram Publishing/Thinkstock

More From Women’s Health:
Why (Some) Guys Hate Condoms
Are Latex-Free Condoms Really Latex-Free?
The Best Condoms for Your Pleasure

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How to Avoid a Missed Connection

Does this fun infographic that’s been floating around the Web recently look familiar? It illustrates where the highest number of Missed Connections happen in each state, and according to a recent analysis by Psychology Today, the most common place where Missed Connections across the country occur is at Walmart stores.

Of course, you don’t have to post a Missed Connection on Craigslist to know that shoulda-woulda-coulda feeling: Everyone’s kicked themselves after missing the chance to chat with a cute guy at a bar or a coffee shop. So the next time you find yourself in the presence of a Ryan Gosling lookalike, use these tips:

Catch his eye
You’re in a bar full of ladies, but you want the hottie across the room to notice you. Try this: Just tilt your head down a bit and look up at him through your eyelashes. Guys find it more attractive and feminine, according to a study out of the University of Newcastle in Ourimbah, New South Wales, Australia. Simple enough! (Bonus points if you wear something red; research shows that the color really gets guys going.)

OK, he noticed you—now make him feel welcome
Once you’ve made eye contact, move on to the next step: Smile. There’s a reason this combo is the oldest trick in the book: Research proves it’s the best way to let a man know you’re interested, according to Craig Malkin, PhD, a psychologist at Harvard Medical School. It’s basically the universal “come hither” signal to guys. If you’re feeling extra bold, flip your hair and nod in his direction. The tip may seem obvious, but if you’re having an intense conversation about Downton Abbey with your girlfriends, you’re not doing it.

If all else fails, head over!
You smiled and batted your eyelashes, and he seems into it—but he isn’t budging. Go for it yourself, and keep your intro simple and direct. “Hi” could work. “Most people hate corny openers and jokes,” explains Malkin. “It’s really the straightforward approach that’s best.” But: Tweak your tactic based on location. When you’re at a bar, the understanding is that one of the reasons you’re there is to meet people, Malkin says, so the approach is easy enough. But striking up a conversation on the train to work? Sort of weird. In a space like that, Malkin suggests sitting down next to him and bringing up something you observe, like a headline on the newspaper he’s reading.

Got it? Go get ‘em!

photo (main): Psychology Today
photo (thumbnail): vgstudio/Shutterstock

More from Women’s Health:
How to Talk to a Man
Ask a Guy Out
Listen to His Body Language

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Eat THIS to Avoid PMS

It’s not always a bad thing to eat your feelings away: Women with iron-rich diets are 30 to 40 percent less likely to suffer from PMS than those who skimp on the mineral, according to a new study published in the American Journal of Epidemiology.

Researchers from the University of Massachusetts Amherst and Harvard gave food questionnaires to about 3,000 women over a 10-year period. They found that, even when controlling for other factors like body mass index, age, smoking habits, birth control usage, and calcium intake (which previous research had linked to PMS), women who consumed around the recommended daily allowance of 18 milligrams of iron (or even slightly higher, at 20 mg) experienced the fewest signs of PMS.

Since iron helps you produce serotonin—a neurotransmitter involved in controlling your mood—researchers think a lack of the chemical might be to blame for premenstrual symptoms, says the study’s lead author Patricia Chocano-Bedoya, a postdoctoral fellow at Harvard’s School of Public Health. But if you get adequate amounts of iron, this study suggests that you’ll produce enough serotonin to circumvent PMS. Eat that, period!

One caveat: You shouldn’t start bingeing on iron-rich foods at the first sign of a funk. “Iron’s not excreted well in the body,” Chocano-Bedoya says. To avoid overdoing it, she recommends aiming for close to the RDA of 18 mg—but not exceeding it by much.

Send cramps and mood swings packing by hitting your daily quota. These tips will help you get there:

Check your cereal box
Look for the magic word “fortified” or read the back of the box for iron content, and you could knock out more than half of your daily intake before noon. A cup of Multi-Grain Cheerios, for example, contains 45 percent of the RDA for iron, and one ¾-cup serving of Kellogg’s All-Bran Complete Wheat Flakes has all of the iron you need for the day.

Load up on lentils
Each cup of cooked lentils packs 37 percent of your daily iron needs, and the beans are a great way to add bulk and texture to all kinds of foods. Throw some onto salads, soups, meat dishes, or pastas to up your intake.

Switch up your greens
If you always go for iceberg in your salad, give iron-packed spinach a try. Or better yet, sauté some as a side for dinner tonight: According to the Centers for Disease Control, a cup of cooked spinach has 6.4 mg of iron, while a cup of the raw stuff has just 0.81 mg.

photo: iStockphoto/Thinkstock

More from Women’s Health:
9 Ways to Get Relief from PMS
The PMS Diet
Use Yoga to Pacify PMS

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6 Steps to Avoid a Hangover

‘Tis the season for holiday festivities — and for calling off work when drinking gets a bit out of hand. A new survey from Caron Treatment Centers, a facility for drug and alcohol addiction, found that 64 percent of Americans have called in sick because of a hangover after a holiday party, or know someone who has.

The survey, conducted by Harris Interactive on behalf of Caron, asked more than 2,000 adults aged 21 and over about the behavior they exhibited and observed after attending a holiday party. In addition to 64 percent calling off work, 61 percent of those surveyed also said they had come into work late or left work early the next day, or knew someone who had. While toughing out a hangover at work, 46 percent had trouble completing their day-to-day tasks.

Productivity is a concern, as your boss may take notice if you’re consistently falling behind. “The biggest takeaway is that, especially when we’re facing a fiscal cliff and dealing with a dangerous economic atmosphere, people shouldn’t take this sort of risk with their livelihoods,” says clinical psychologist Harris Stratyner, Ph.D., Vice President of New York Clinical Regional Services at Caron Treatment Centers.

The good news is that it’s possible to enjoy a drink (or two) without putting your career (or your next-day happiness) at risk. Just make sure to follow these tips to minimize any damage:

Don’t Make It a Competition
Don’t try to keep up with the guys. Female body composition has a higher fat-to-water ratio than men, so women get inebriated quicker.

Set Limits Beforehand
Before you go out, tell yourself that you’re stopping at two. This way you’ve made a decision while sober that you’re more likely to stick to later, when your judgment is a bit more impaired. A suggestion: “A good rule of thumb is to never have more than two drinks,” Stratyner says. And that means two of any kind of alcohol, whether it’s a glass of wine or a shot of vodka.

Drink Clear
The kind of alcohol you drink matters. Stick to clear liquids, rather than dark ones. That’s because clear liquors, like rum, vodka and gin, have fewer congeners, a fermentation byproduct. Congener-rich drinks like brandy, cognac, whiskey, and tequila are more likely to make you feel ill the day after. Also, avoid sugary drinks and carbonated beverages, like fruity cocktails or champagne, which are absorbed in the bloodstream faster and will get you intoxicated in a hurry.

Keep Eating
The adage still holds true: never eat on an empty stomach. Dr. Stratyner always recommends, “eating both before you drink and while you’re drinking” to avoid repercussions. Your best bet? Nosh on some asparagus before the party, or order some at dinner to have with your wine. Research from Korea found that extracts taken from asparagus leaves and shoots increased the amount of an enzyme used to break down alcohol.

Alternate Sips
Instead of drinking exclusively alcohol at parties, alternate virgin beverages to slow yourself down. Water is best for cleansing your body, so aim to consume at least 8 ounces of water for every alcoholic drink. Also, switching back and forth between alcohol and water slows down your rate of consumption, which helps in keeping you from getting too drunk, too fast.

Keep Chugging in the Morning
If you go too far, the next-morning miracle cure is the same as the night-of preventative measure. Many of the major symptoms of hangover have to do with being totally dehydrated. And the best way to fix that? “One word: water,” says Stratyner. “Drink clear water, as much as you possibly can. It will help flush the alcohol out of the system.”

Additional reporting from Leah Zerbe, Rodale.com

photo: Hemera Technologies/Photos.com/Thinkstock

More from WH:
The Best Yoga Post for Hangovers
The Dangers of Drinking Too Much
When Addiction Becomes a Serious Illness

 


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Avoid These 6 Common Fitness Class Injuries

When Jennifer Love Hewitt broke her wrist in a boxing class, she took to the Twittersphere to spread the word. Ouch. It just shows: Although group fitness can be a great way to get exercise and stick to a weight-loss plan, classes aren’t all super-fun sweat sessions—sometimes, they involve blood and tears, too.

Whether you’re a badass boxer like Hewitt or swear by your morning spin class, check out these tips from the fitness industry’s top instructors for how to get fit without getting hurt:

The Class: Speed and Heavy Bag Boxing
Common Injuries: Sprains and strains in the wrists (à la Jennifer Love Hewett)
How it Happens: Not wearing proper protective gear, using poor punch technique
Prevention Tip: Wrap ‘em up, and throw a legit punch. Properly wrapping your wrists and hands before class will help support your bones and tendons and prevent injury, says Ray Wallace, NASM, Chief Fitness Strategist of Pedal NYC. When applying wraps, make sure your wrist is totally straight. Start by placing the loop around your thumb. Roll the wrap around your wrist three times, then wrap the fabric around the palm of your hand. Next wrap in between each of your fingers, starting with the pinkie. Twist the wrap directly below the thumb and loop back up through each finger. Wrap the left over fabric across your knuckles, and around your wrist. Attach the Velcro to secure the hand wrap. Learning how to correctly throw a punch can also keep you safe, says Wallace. When throwing a punch keep your palm facing down, fists tight, and be sure at least four fingers make contact with the bag. This will alleviate pressure on your wrists.

The Class: Cycling
Common Injury: Knee pain
How it Happens: Setting the bike up incorrectly
Prevention Tip: Get to class early. This will ensure you have enough time to get situated on the bike. Start by adjusting your seat. Move it forwards and backwards until you can put your front knee directly over the pedal axle when sitting, says Wallace. Then adjust the seat to the right height. Place your feet on the pedals and rotate them until one leg reaches the bottom on the pedal stroke – your leg should have a 30-degree bend in the knee. Next, adjust the handlebars so you can comfortably place your hands on the bars with a slight bend in your elbows. Bonus: Arriving early will also guarantee that you catch the warm up, which prevents injury by prepping your body for the demands of the class, says Wallace.

The Class: Group Resistance Training
Common Injury: Muscle strain and repetitive stress injuries
How it Happens: Using too much weight, doing too many reps, or not varying exercises
Prevention Tip: Varying exercises and intensity will help prevent over-training, says Brynn Jinnett, Owner of Refine Method in New York City. This may mean incorporating rest days into your regimen, adding a specific period of lighter lifting or varying your movement patterns (lateral, forwards and backwards, up and down) which will all help to ward off injury.

The Class: Zumba
Common Injury: Stress fractures in the knee, ankle and foot.
How it Happens: Wearing improper footwear, poor jumping technique
Prevention Tip: To protect your knees during jumps, never land on a straight leg says Kelly Anne Wadler, a Zumba and hip-hop instructor in the New York City area. Always bend your knee when you land, for a bit more give. Also, investing in a supportive pair of sneakers will keep your ankles and feet free from injury. (Check out the Best Shoes For Your Workout)

The Class: Pilates
Common Injury: Neck discomfort
How it Happens: Having weak abs and neck flexors
Prevention Tip: Listen to your body. If something hurts, stop, reset your alignment by inhaling deeply, pulling the abdominals in and up as you exhale, and then try the exercise again, says Christina Morrell, a Certified Pilates Mat and Apparatus Instructor based in Manhattan. If the discomfort continues, try a different exercise. New to Pilates? Consider taking a private lesson to familiarize yourself with exercises and modifications before attending a group class. Also, check out The 15 Minute Belly Blasting Workout to strengthening your abs. The stronger your core, the less strain will be on the neck, says Morrell.

The Class: Yoga
Common Injury: Wrist and lower back pain
How it Happens: Performing poses or distributing weight incorrectly
Prevention Tip: Spreading your fingers wide and pressing through the fingertips in any pose where weight is on your hands will reduce pressure on the wrist, says Charlene Lite, a New York City-based yoga instructor. Avoid lower back pain by lengthening the spine up and away from the hips before bending or rounding the back. During floor stretches, sit on a block or a few blankets to prevent rounding the spine.

photo: iStockphoto/Thinkstock

More from WH:
The Boxing Workout: Hit Like A Girl
The Best Shoe for Your Workout
Do Group Classes Work for Weight Loss?
Look Better Naked Workout

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