Whether you and your cube-mate are debating the best approach to use on a big project or how obnoxious her perfume choices have been recently, your coworkers see the same thing: a catfight. Workplace conflicts between two women are judged to have more negative consequences than conflicts between two men or one woman and one man, according to a new study in the journal Academy of Management Perspectives.
Researchers gave participants one of three conflict scenarios that were identical except for the names of the people involved (one scenario was between two men, the second involved a woman and a man, and the third involved two women). They then asked participants to judge the likelihood that these individuals would be able to repair the relationship and whether they thought it would lead to decreased job satisfaction.
The results revealed a bias against women in the workplace. Overall, participants thought that two women would be 15 percent less likely to repair their relationship than either of the other pairs. They also said that the female pair would be 25 percent more likely to let this affect their job satisfaction than a male-female pair, and 10 percent more likely than a male-male pair. “It’s very salient when there is a conflict between two women, and it’s automatically labeled a ‘catfight,’” says lead study author Leah Sheppard, a PhD candidate at the University of British Columbia. “These perceptions have spilled over into the workplace.”
The participants’ stereotypical assumptions are definitely annoying, but these findings serve as a reminder that colleagues might misinterpret even minor squabbles you have on the job. To avoid tarnishing your reputation, defuse work conflicts with these tips:
Don’t work and vent
Sure, it’s tempting to lean over your coworker’s cube and say, “Can you believe she did that?” Feel free to bring the incident up with the offending party or your manager—but leave your coworker out of it (particularly if you just feel like ranting). “If you’re venting at work, you’re reinforcing this stereotype that you’re never going to get over it,” Sheppard says. Instead, text your boyfriend about it or wait until you get home to rehash it with a friend. Chances are, you’ll be over it by then anyway.
Keep conflicts task-oriented
Your coworker dropped the ball—again—and all you really want to do is go off on her for being so careless. Warning: A personal dig won’t get you anywhere. “The research on conflicts show that when it’s just about the task, it can be quite productive,” Sheppard says. “But as soon as it gets personal, that’s when the negative implications come out.” Focus on being as specific as possible about what went wrong and how to prevent similar problems from cropping up in the future. That way, you’ll actually fix the issue—rather than drawing it out.
Dial back your voice
Women’s naturally higher tone of voice can also lead to negative assumptions about how they’re handling an office conflict, says workplace communication expert Joyce Weiss, author of Communicate With Impact! Females generally raise their tone and pitch when they’re passionate about something, which can come off as overly emotional to outsiders. Weiss recommends stopping and taking a breath before you speak—it’ll automatically help lower the tone of whatever comes out of your mouth next.
Hit pause
One crucial thing to keep in mind with work conflicts: Someone’s obnoxious behavior might have nothing to do with you. Before you take a remark or action personally, remind yourself that the person may just be having an awful day. “You don’t need to react to everything,” Weiss says. “If this isn’t typical behavior, leave them alone and give them space.” If it happens again, then you can bring it up. No clue where to start? Try the parrot technique, which Weiss explains as rephrasing what the other person said in the form of a question (for instance, “This presentation is all wrong?”). You’re throwing it back to them, which should get you more constructive feedback (or maybe even a confession that they’re upset about something that has nothing to do with you).
Avoid the gossip
One of the most interesting findings from this study was that women were just as likely as men to think that all-female conflicts would have the most negative consequences. Help squash the stereotype by shutting down gossip whenever it reaches you. “It’s very tempting to say you agree, but that’s not going to help,” Weiss says. Instead, encourage them to deal with the problem directly. Have a short and simple response ready, like: “Yeah, I hear you. You should definitely go talk to them about it.” You’re acknowledging what your coworker says without adding to the drama.
More from Women’s Health:
The Nasty New Workplace Epidemic
The Bad Habit That Hurts You Job Performance
How to Have a Life Outside of Work
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